Here are several tips we have discussed over the past months on the show (Relationships in Rhythm) that can be helpful to everyone - happy practicing!
Also always feel free to reach out to me with comments or questions!
The Vulnerability Series Tips for Practice and Awareness:
“Vulnerability is about showing up and being seen.” – Brene Brown
Everyone is vulnerable in various times in our lives, whether in childhood, having health issues, or as we age, learning to lean into vulnerability will offer strength and courage. Vulnerability is an act of courage not a sign of weakness!
Vulnerability is about authenticity – be genuine without any agenda – show up just to show up!
Vulnerability is about expression – be mindful of oversharing and emotionally vomiting on others.
6 tips for practice:
1) Be discerning – initially, start opening yourself up to supportive and loving people; if they are critical or negative, they may not be the best choice to start.
2) Know yourself – understand who you are so that if someone else tells you who you are, you can challenge that or accept it based on your own understanding of self. We truly are the experts on ourselves!
3) Watch your thoughts and emotions – take one mindful thought at a time. If you are being critical or judgmental about aspects you are vulnerable with yourself, it will be very difficult to share with anyone else. Offer caring, loving, and support thoughts to yourself as you recognize your vulnerabilities – they are sacred!
4) Take it step by step – ease into sharing your vulnerabilities with others. For some, sharing can feel good to open up and people can have a tendency to overshare. Be mindful and check in with others to find the line between sharing and oversharing.
5) Connect with your body – thoughts are in our mind, while emotions live in our body. If we are not connected with our body, we are missing vital information about our vulnerabilities. If you notice fear and anxiety about being vulnerable, take note and stay curious as to how it presents in your body. Keep breathing to move and release the emotions as best you can.
Cognitive Distortions/Weeds in Your Mindgarden
Although some automatic thoughts are true, many are either untrue or have just a grain of truth. Typical mistakes in thinking include:
All-or-nothing Thinking (also called black and white, polarized or dichotomous thinking) – you view a situation in only two categories instead of on a continuum. Example: “If I’m not a total success, I’m a failure.”
Catastrophizing (also called fortune telling) – you predict the future negatively without considering other, more likely outcomes. Example: “I’ll be so upset, I won’t be able to function at all.”
Disqualifying or discounting the positive – you unreasonably tell yourself that positive experiences, deeds, or qualities do not count. Example: “I did that project well, but that doesn’t mean I’m competent; I just got lucky.”
Emotional Reasoning – you think something must be true because you “feel” (actually believe) it so strongly, ignoring or discounting evidence to the contrary. Example: “I know I do a lot of things okay at work, but I still feel like I’m a failure.”
Labeling – you put a fixed, global label on yourself or others without considering that the evidence might more reasonably lead to a less disastrous conclusion. Example: “I’m a loser. He’s no good.”
Magnification/minimization – when you evaluate yourself, another person, or a situation, you unreasonably magnify the negative and/or minimize the positive. Example: “Getting a mediocre evaluation proves how inadequate I am. Getting high marks doesn’t mean I’m smart.”
Mental Filter (also called selective abstraction) – you pay undue attention to one negative detail instead of seeing the whole picture. Example: “Because I got one low rating on my evaluation (which also contained several high ratings), it means I’m doing a lousy job.”
Mind reading – you believe you know what others are thinking, falling to consider other, more likely possibilities. Example: “He’s thinking that I don’t know the first thing about this project.”
Overgeneralization – you make a sweeping negative conclusion that goes far beyond the current situation. Example: “Because I felt uncomfortable at the meeting, I don’t have what it takes to make friends.”
Personalization – you believe others are behaving negatively because of you, without considering more plausible explanations for their behavior. Example: “The repairman was curt to me because I did something wrong.”
“Should” and “must” statements (also called imperatives) – you have a precise, fixed idea of how you or others should behave and you overestimate how bad it is that these expectations are not met. Example: “It’s terrible that I made a mistake. I should always do my best.”
Tunnel Vision – you only see the negative aspects of a situation. Example: “My son’s teacher can’t do anything right. He’s critical and insensitive and lousy at teaching.”
Taken from Dr. Aaron Beck’s work