Self-criticism is but a habitual behavior that we all learned from our past. Perhaps from a bully, an abusive or neglectful parent, a narcissistic friend or an inner perfectionist that led to frustrations with self. Many of us don't even realize the thoughts we are saying to and about ourselves in our own head.

Here are three tips to aid in letting go of self-criticisms and transforming your relationship with yourself:

1) Slow down! We can't even know what we are saying to ourselves unless we slow down and have the courage and strength to listen. Take time in the day to breath and listen to your thoughts. Think about what you are thinking about.

2) Don't judge yourself for any criticisms you notice. The last thing you want to do is to double up on judgment - we can't solve the problem with the same mindset that created it! Take a breath and praise yourself for noticing the thought, as mean or nasty as it might be. Bring up compassion and love for yourself.

3) Use a Courtroom Mind - try to take the self-critical thought into a courtroom where there is a lot of objectivity and the evidence for the thought is being laid out. What is the evidence for the self-critical thought? If you find no evidence, toss the thought away. It is not useful to you and is not true. If you find a thin amount of evidence, take a judge's approach saying, "I'm not sure if this thought is true - I will continue to explore and challenge this."

Originally posted 2/4/2016