It can be incredibly difficult to work with and relate to pain. Most of the time, we want to move away from it, and we do our best to avoid it. When pain does come, be it emotional or physical, it can bring tremendous heaviness. This discomfort turns us away further and we tend to relate less and less with the pained part of our body.
As much as we want to get away from pain; instead, we must practice leaning into it. Do your best to stay curious about it and work on staying objective and present. Take deep breaths and attend to your senses. This is easier said than done and very difficult to practice when experiencing pain. Yet, to manage pain, we need to observe how we are relating to it and transform the relationship, especially if it is not loving and compassionate.
In working with my own pain, I have found a few grounding tools to offer a path for leaning into and finding more space for peace and compassion. Continuing with this idea of leaning in, I chose a simple and easy acronym using the word P.A.I.N.:
Patience – we must be patient with ourselves and our bodies. It is very easy to become frustrated and/or confused amid pain and discomfort. We may become irritable and incredibly overwhelmed wanting to push through to the other side. It’s normal to make attempts to control the pain and/or try to bargain or numb our way out of it. Whatever the situation, we must slow down and meet ourselves where we are. When we do so, we create a bit more space to properly care for ourselves.
Attunement – the definition of attunement is “to bring into accord, harmony, or sympathetic relationship; to adjust” to the situation. There is no harmony in criticism and judgment of our body for radiating pain. We must attend to our pain and compassionately care for it to the best of our ability. If pain occurs, we must adjust to it and attune to what our body needs. When we pay attention to the pain, we are listening and offering an opportunity to relate and pivot our plans to adjust for a healthier path of care.
Inquiry – as we lean into and attend to the pain, there is space to ask some important questions: 1) what do my mind and body need?; 2) how can I best care for myself right now?; and 3) what is this pain trying to tell me? Stay open and curious. Our bodies have so much wisdom to offer us if we stop and listen.
Notice – after offering space and inquiring within, we can take notice of the answers to these questions, even if we initially have no idea. As we lean into the uncomfortable, uneasy, and out of control emotions, we realize that these emotions live beneath the surface along with the pain. Stay objective and open. The best way to attempt to control something is to first relate with it.
Remember that each of these letters and the concept it represents is not based on a step-by-step process. Instead, each can be used very fluidly to support each other. This is not a linear step-by-step to get you out of pain, it’s a formula for getting you in relationship with your body.
As we learn to create space for ourselves, we can listen beyond what we are used to hearing. There is harmony in allowing and this offers us more empowerment as we continue our journey in these fragile bodies. When we take better care of ourselves, we learn how to take better care of others.