Being Gentle with Self and Others
by Dr. Lisa Templeton
Gentleness can seem a difficult path in such a harsh, overstimulating, and critical world. It feels so much easier to withdraw, isolate, create walls, and harden to the environment around and within us. It takes courage to be gentle and to step outside of what we have deemed safe and comfortable. To understand this softened energy, let’s consider what gentleness is not. Gentleness is not a weakness. It is not letting people walk all over you or using “kid gloves” with others. It is not managing others’ emotions or trying to force a situation. Being gentle is not an opening that leaves you vulnerable and potentially hurt. It is a strength of courage that brings about more empowerment and lightness.
To be gentle opens the path for great wisdom and awareness to show itself around the hardened parts of others and within ourselves; these parts that we continue to conflict with or rub against in an uncomfortable way. Gentleness is encompassed with kindness, compassion, and understanding. There is an awareness of the circumstances, environment, and situation at hand. Gentleness is aware of the big picture and all that is around it. Consider the gentleness of a deer – aware and alert, yet poised, calm, and peaceful. This energy teaches us to remember to be tender with ourselves and others. To be gentle is to offer true care, nurturing, and love to ourselves and to others. Every single one of us needs to be cared for and to care for ourselves.
The world may look bleak filled with people who don't care, but this is not true. Human behavior does not depict an individual’s inner thoughts very well. Some behaviors seem to convey a lack of care on the outside, with a sort of indifference, but deeply within they are extremely overwhelmed, hardened, traumatized, and afraid. We must be the change we want to see and soften the hard edges within us. Remember that this practice, in turn, provides comfort and inspiration in a difficult world that often comes with a lot of pain and suffering.
Gentleness isn’t being a push over to those who are hurting others. It recognizes that hurt people lash out at others and try to gain control through overpowering others. Gentleness involves a fierce nature that doesn’t attach to the hard, harsh nature of hate, fear, and judgment. A softer energy offers a deeper awareness of when we are being harmed and how to set a clear boundary, step away, and hold true to our values of care and love that exist moreso in our world than we realize. Gentleness doesn’t make you weak, it actually strengthens your sense of oneness and love.
Take a few moments right now to tap into gentleness. If we see others and their hard ways feeling pokey and distressing, practice meeting that with care, love, and compassion - with a gentle awareness. Take a deep breath. Notice your body. Pay attention to your heart and set an intention to soften your heart first with yourself and then with others. Check in with your torso, your stomach, hips, arms, and legs. See if you can breathe into any tight space you notice. If you have pain somewhere, give it care and attention. As Rumi stated, “Don’t turn away. Keep your gaze on the bandaged place. That’s where the light enters you.” When we offer a gentle mindful eye to the hardened, hurt places, we find the light within ourselves and in each and every one of us.
Breathe in deeply and exhale. Allow your whole body to relax all at once. Try to offer a gentleness when regarding and attending to your body. Remember that there is an honor in having this body, as hard as it is to maintain and care for. Give gratitude to your body and your mind and set an intention to be gentler with yourself in your dialogue, as well as with your body and the choices you make. Start within and then consider how you might soften with others in your life. Each moment is an opportunity to soften our hearts and open our minds to the care we all crave so deeply.