How to Be Present On The Go

By Lisa Templeton, Ph.D.

We are not human doings; we are human beings. We all need to learn to train our brain how to slow down and practice being in the midst of doing. The pandemic offered lessons in this, but it may take time to process. As we are opening back up, down time is not given to us – we must make time for it and remember that we deserve it. When we intentionally and mindfully take steps to slow down, we start to experience ourselves, even in the midst of doing. We need to be present and in the moment, grateful for our surroundings, while staying kind and loving toward ourselves.

Eleanor Brownn, an American novelist, stated, “Rest and self-care are so important. When you take time to replenish your spirit, it allows you to serve others from the overflow. You cannot serve from an empty vessel.” When you take time for yourself, you can fill yourself up and it gives you more to give to others. We need to care for ourselves just as we care for our children. What a great model we can be to teach our children self-love, kindness, boundaries and balance.

Here are some suggestions to aid you in slowing down and increasing your self-care:

1) Make a plan to slow down and meditate each day – start with just 1-2 minutes and work up to 5 minutes. Focus in on one stimulus, either inside or outside of yourself (i.e., your breath, the clock ticking, birds singing, or your inner left top rib) and continue working to stay there – moving back to your object of focus when you get distracted. A focusing meditation is not about not being distracted, it’s about how you remind yourself to come back once you are distracted. Practice staying in the moment for as long as possible, even if it’s just a few seconds. Also, remember that there is no place for judgment here, even with loads of distractions while you meditate. You succeed when you try.

2) Let your loved ones know of your plan for self-care and ask that they respect that time you are taking for yourself.

3) Take deep breaths often throughout the day to help ground yourself and slow down, even for a brief couple of minutes. Take a quick sabbatical a few times a day to replenish yourself.

4) Identify what makes you happy and do what you love! Take 15-30 minutes to partake in something you really enjoy every day. It doesn’t take up that much time to rejuvenate ourselves. Also, surround yourself with what you think is beautiful. Try to notice beautiful things throughout the day. If you can’t get to those happy, beautiful things - imagine them. Take 5 minutes to go to a beautiful place in your head and breathe easy and slow. If you notice judgment while doing this – thoughts such as, “I shouldn’t be taking time for myself” or “my mind is moving around too much” – gently shift yourself back and remind yourself that you are replenishing yourself in order to give to others.

5) Practice presence – feel your body, your senses, and notice what it feels like. The moment you realize that you are not present is when you are back! Shift yourself back to the moment as often as you can. This will take practice – the more you practice, the easier this becomes. When you find you are not in the present moment, gently bring yourself back without any judgment.

6) Try being in the moment and breathing while doing general household tasks or other work – check in with yourself and be a friend to yourself. Notice what it feels like for you to unload the dishwasher, take a walk, or to play with your kids. They are so present and in the moment (especially when young) – draw from their experience and learn from them.

7) Be grateful everyday for the blessings in your life. Review the things you are grateful for daily with an open heart.

8) Communicate your needs to your spouse/family – if you need help, please ask for it. We are not meant to do everything on our own – ask for help in caring for yourself. Taking some down time is not selfish. Set a boundary when needed – this can be done in a loving way – just identify what you need and share it with others.

To be present with yourself is to promote healing and positive energy to all those around you. Give yourself the gift of presence – focus on you for a time and find how you can really enhance your life and your relationships. Be with whatever you notice and unveil a garden of beauty within yourself. The next time you catch yourself moving too fast - breathe and practice slowing down. We can only slow down with practice and patience. Be with your thoughts, your body, your mind, and your spirit.

Feel and experience your world and your senses more fully by opening up to the power of the present moment and the excitement of all life. We are free to choose in every moment. Fill yourself up – as only you can meet this need for yourself – no one else can. Be a friend to yourself and feel that self-love pour out to all those around you.

Finding Internal Freedom

By Lisa Templeton, Ph.D.

This pandemic has transformed our lives in various ways. Consequently, we all crave a sense of freedom, although our perceptions of freedom may vary. Merriam-Webster’s definition of freedom is the quality or state of being free relating to 1) The absence of necessity, coercion, or constraint in choice or action; and 2) Liberation from slavery or restraint or from the power of another.

This definition does not include our internal world and the ways we move into conflict with ourselves at times. These inner relations impact our perception, and subsequently, our mental health. Let’s work to create more internal freedom and address parts of ourselves that continue to limit our power.

At present, our moving freely about in the world may be limited, but our internal freedom is always readily available to us. We have a choice to perceive our world with more truth and harmony. William Faulkner wrote, “We must be free not because we claim freedom, but because we practice it.” In order to perceive our world from a broadened, more truthful perspective, we need to practice listening for times when we feel coerced or constrained from within ourselves.

Instead of judging what we notice, we take notice of what we find in the core beliefs about ourselves and our freedoms. A bridge of compassion is available to offer a connection between the two belief systems if we hold them and weigh them with conscious awareness. This will guide us to stop going down the old paths of conditioned patterns.

The liberty to sit comfortably within ourselves is the ultimate freedom. When we can make mistakes, feel emotional, uncomfortable, or unproductive without repercussions or judgment, we are practicing freedom. When we can truly talk to ourselves about what we need and meet those needs with kindness and understanding, we are practicing freedom. True autonomy lies within ourselves, a heart openness that draws on the strength of vulnerability, compassion, and unconditional love – from the inside out.

Have you ever experienced a relationship in your life when you feel fully accepted and loved without any expectations or judgments? Perhaps it is a person, or maybe a pet, as they radiate such unconditional love. Notice the feeling you have when you consider being fully accepted. You can do no wrong, the only expectation is to just do your best at all times – with an understanding that your best will continue to change moment-to-moment. When we perceive ourselves in this way, we are practicing freedom.

We can lock ourselves up in unconscious chains if we don’t stop and notice how it is we are handling and relating to ourselves. To have internal freedom means that you have a friend within who will always have your back; hence, you have the freedom to unapologetically be who you are, both internally and externally.

Keep practicing these steps! The first step is to notice how you relate with yourself without judgment. Second, set an intention to continue observing whatever comes up with recognition of the context and bigger picture to elicit compassion and understanding. Third, keep an eye on patterns that might be associated with negative feelings. Work on weeding the garden of your mind daily, staying mindful and vigilant, and practice listening with an objective mindset. This gets easier the more you practice! Fourth, start building a bridge within yourself. Consider seeds of compassion, love, and truth that you may sow to freely blossom and fully love yourself.