Carrying The Load With Grace, Kindness, and Strength

By Lisa Templeton, Ph.D.

The classic quote by Lena Horne, “It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s how you carry it” is a great line and very helpful for shifting our perspective. Yet, I can’t help but wonder, what is the best way to carry a load, so it doesn’t break one down? In my reflections around this, I have come up with four pointers to keep in mind when it feels like life is weighing you down:

1) Perspective is everything. Our perspective is created by how we think about the load. Thoughts such as, “this is unbearable” or “I can’t handle this” or “I won’t be able to get through this” only serve to increase our anxiety and the weight of what we are carrying. Consider thoughts such as, “this load is heavy and I know I can get through this” or “I can handle this – I’m handling this right now” or “You got this, everything is temporary.” These thoughts offer a bit of truth, lightness, and inner support to give us more strength to carry a heavy load with grace and resilience.

2) Believe in yourself! Remember the game, ‘Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board? When we collectively believed that the person was light, they became lighter, light enough to lift with our pinky fingers! When we believe that the load is lighter, it can become lighter. Believing in ourselves comes from being a good friend to yourself. Be kind and gentle. When you stop to speak to yourself gently, light in tone, and loving, you are being a better friend to yourself. This offers a strength to help us believe we have what it takes to move through. In this mindset, there is always lightness.

3) Remember the temporary nature of everything. What feels like a very heavy load right now will possibly only be a memory in a few days or months. All that is weighing on you right now is a potential form of teaching and growth. The struggle in life can be just what we need to move forward in our own evolution. Always keep in mind that everything is temporary.

4) Stay in the present moment. Take one step at a time and don’t think too much about the future steps you will be taking. With a ‘one step at a time attitude’, we stay conscious of what is right here right now instead of engaging in a future time thinking we will carry this load forever. We have no idea what the load will feel like even 10 steps from now. Take it easy, keep breathing, and stay kind with yourself. This offers the strength needed to carry a heavy load with grace and support.

By: Lisa Templeton, Ph.D.

This upcoming election along with a series of pandemics, from COVID, to race, to the economy, has brought about more divisiveness than we have seen in our society in a long time. The division has created a great deal of anxiety and stress for many people. Many friends, families, and co-workers are struggling with different ideas, beliefs, and perspectives on what is happening, while also getting their information from very different sources. These differences are creating more and more strife. Here are a few tips for coping with the divisiveness:

1) Take a moment to step into another person’s shoes – whether it be a stranger, a friend, or a loved one. What are the circumstances of their life and why might they believe what they believe? We all base our beliefs from our upbringing, our experiences, trusted news sources, along with a desire to belong. Stay curious about the context of each person’s beliefs.

2) Consider that we all have similar experiences – each one of us cares about our family, wants to be loved, and longs to be a part of a community of like-minded people. Consider ways that each person is choosing their position based on these criteria. We have many more similarities as human beings than we do differences.

3) Don’t try to change someone’s mind – it can feel controlling and manipulative to be led in a different direction that you don’t currently believe. Do your best to accept another’s opposing beliefs and work to find opinions that you both agree on.

4) Calm your emotions and slow down – don’t react with anger, instead take a breath and work on developing a helicopter view to see all perspectives as important, even if you don’t agree. No one wants to be attacked and often defensiveness can be perceived as an attack.

5) Don’t take the differing beliefs personally – a person’s beliefs are about themselves and the context of their own beliefs, not about others. Stay respectful and curious to the ways in which we are divided and why.

6) Step away from blaming, shaming, judging, and spreading guilt to others who don’t share your opinion. Consider how that feels when someone does that to you. If you find yourself falling into that looping pattern, take a mindful step back and choose to instead get curious.

7) Set boundaries – if you continue to disagree and feel tension and conflict with someone you are close with, consider an agreement to not talk about issues that are the root of conflict. It’s okay to talk about other important aspects of life.

8) If you are going to engage, ask questions and listen – inquire about the information that is offered and open up to the bias that may be occurring on both sides of the isle. Stay curious with a critical mind, not with criticism of the person.