By: Lisa Templeton, Ph.D.

This upcoming election along with a series of pandemics, from COVID, to race, to the economy, has brought about more divisiveness than we have seen in our society in a long time. The division has created a great deal of anxiety and stress for many people. Many friends, families, and co-workers are struggling with different ideas, beliefs, and perspectives on what is happening, while also getting their information from very different sources. These differences are creating more and more strife. Here are a few tips for coping with the divisiveness:

1) Take a moment to step into another person’s shoes – whether it be a stranger, a friend, or a loved one. What are the circumstances of their life and why might they believe what they believe? We all base our beliefs from our upbringing, our experiences, trusted news sources, along with a desire to belong. Stay curious about the context of each person’s beliefs.

2) Consider that we all have similar experiences – each one of us cares about our family, wants to be loved, and longs to be a part of a community of like-minded people. Consider ways that each person is choosing their position based on these criteria. We have many more similarities as human beings than we do differences.

3) Don’t try to change someone’s mind – it can feel controlling and manipulative to be led in a different direction that you don’t currently believe. Do your best to accept another’s opposing beliefs and work to find opinions that you both agree on.

4) Calm your emotions and slow down – don’t react with anger, instead take a breath and work on developing a helicopter view to see all perspectives as important, even if you don’t agree. No one wants to be attacked and often defensiveness can be perceived as an attack.

5) Don’t take the differing beliefs personally – a person’s beliefs are about themselves and the context of their own beliefs, not about others. Stay respectful and curious to the ways in which we are divided and why.

6) Step away from blaming, shaming, judging, and spreading guilt to others who don’t share your opinion. Consider how that feels when someone does that to you. If you find yourself falling into that looping pattern, take a mindful step back and choose to instead get curious.

7) Set boundaries – if you continue to disagree and feel tension and conflict with someone you are close with, consider an agreement to not talk about issues that are the root of conflict. It’s okay to talk about other important aspects of life.

8) If you are going to engage, ask questions and listen – inquire about the information that is offered and open up to the bias that may be occurring on both sides of the isle. Stay curious with a critical mind, not with criticism of the person.

Be With Diverse Perspectives

There is much power in the perspective we assume in all situations. The more mindful we are about how we are thinking and what we are believing about people, situations, etc., the more power we have to choose and view all perspectives offered with an objective mind and heart. In the busy movement of our culture, we have lost sight of each other and the importance of understanding and caring for one another.

It is time that we learn and practice broadening our idea of each person’s experience and humbly try to wear the shoes of someone else. It is so easy to cast judgment on another for their difference, because they act in ways with which we do not agree, or look different than ourselves. We must re-train our brains to build more tolerance to that which we don’t understand and celebrate the beauty of diversity. It is imperative that each of us stand up for each other to stop oppression and injustice.

The breath is a great tool for practicing to be with diverse perspectives. When I stop to take a deep breath, I am already taking time out of the busy-ness of the moment to consider my choices. Racism, sexism, and any other –isms begin with our thoughts, which have been conditioned by our institutionalized society which is focused on greed and inequities. We have been conditioned through our basic institutions such as the news media, incarceration statistics, and even our US history educations, to negatively associate color or gender with less intelligence, poor motivation, and/or violent behaviors. These patterns are lies spread around our society like a virus that is unseen and rarely considered from a white privileged perspective.

So let’s take a moment and consider a perspective that is diverse from our own. First, stop and breathe. Consider what your thoughts are saying about any difference currently happening around you, notice the emotions coming up in your body, and pay attention to where they sit in your body. We cannot control anyone else but ourselves. We must be the change that we want to see in the world. To hold on to judgments and anger about someone’s difference will ultimately only harm ourselves. Let yourself be with diverse perspectives no matter how foreign, irrational, or strange they may feel. Everyone has a story and each story has perspective that we can only find when we stop, breathe, let go of our assumptions, and actually listen.