6 Things to Release in 2021

6 Things to Release in 2021

This year has been tough for many of us. It has changed our perception of everything around us, and also within us. I have found it easier this year to look more deeply into myself and assess that which is working and that which is not. It is important to consider aspects of ourselves that do not serve us and that we may be ready to release. It is also normal to find fear or resistance in letting go.

We might notice if something doesn’t serve us, but we don’t know how to let it go or perhaps fear that if we let it go, we won’t feel as protected. That is okay – take it one step at a time. Here are 6 aspects within which we can safely let go and still be protected. Given the crazy year of 2020, these things have been loosened and are now primed for release:

1) Self-doubt – when we question ourselves and doubt our actions or words, we undermine our own confidence. One of the reasons self-doubt exists is because we have been conditioned to second-guess ourselves and look outside of ourselves for truth. Another reason this exists is because someone in your life continued to doubt you, projecting their own self-doubt onto you. If you are doubting yourself, try this exercise. Look deeper and bring in clarity in your mind regarding the competent ways you have addressed your life. Sit with a memory in which you felt confident and clear with your own truth.

2) Self-Sabotage – I find that doubt and low worth of self can often lead to sabotaging of self. Perhaps something is going well and then before you know it, you have not chosen wisely and have messed up a good thing. One of the biggest catalysts to this issue is discomfort with “receiving” and not feeling as though one deserves it. You are worthy of all good things. If life is going well, do you believe you deserve it? Of course you do – everyone does! Imagine one of your best days and receive how wonderful it was without doubting or sabotaging the good. Allow the good to come and live inside your body. As you practice, you will get more and more comfortable.

3) Negative, critical self-talk – This one in particular requires a lot of awareness of thoughts. Those of you who have taken my Actively Letting It Be course recognize that we cannot let go of something if we are not aware that we have it. Once we identify that we are talking negatively to ourselves, we can then work to let it go. But first, we must be compassionate. It is so much easier to listen to our thoughts when we are not judging them. Once that is out of the way, we can listen to our thoughts with more curiosity and intention to transform them. If you catch a negative thought in your mind, great – you are aware of it! What do you want to say instead? Pluck the weed and plant the seed!

4) People-pleasing – We will never be able to please everyone, so we might as well please ourselves. There is a fine line between caring for others and curing them. Often when we are people-pleasing, we are trying to manage others’ feelings and doing our best not to make them feel bad. Since when are emotions so bad to experience? Can’t we all manage our emotions pretty well overall? It’s important to remember that if we are pleasing someone else at the cost of ourselves, we are chipping away at our spirit and not honoring the one true person who has the potential to always be there for you.

5) Fear of failure/success – It seems that the fear of either failure or success is inherently driven by the same issue – insecurity. The fear of failure holds us back from shining out who we are, or sometimes from even trying in the first place. The fear of success is there to remind us that if we do try and we succeed, we might not deserve it or be unable to handle the changes involved with it. Both revolve around insecurity and fear of being capable. Imagine a time when you have failed and how that continued to motivate you to try. Conversely, imagine a time when you succeeded and how you grew as a person and potentially inspired another to take a step forward.

6) Perfectionism – Not one of us is perfect but we often have a perception of others’ perfection. Social media outlets and text messaging offer brief moments into others’ lives, but we aren’t usually offered the ugly, more difficult moments. We all have these moments suggesting that whatever we are viewing as perfect in others’ lives is skewed. There is no perfect, there is only our best with the knowledge that our best changes from each moment to the next.

Tips For Coping in a Divisive Climate

By: Lisa Templeton, Ph.D.

This upcoming election along with a series of pandemics, from COVID, to race, to the economy, has brought about more divisiveness than we have seen in our society in a long time. The division has created a great deal of anxiety and stress for many people. Many friends, families, and co-workers are struggling with different ideas, beliefs, and perspectives on what is happening, while also getting their information from very different sources. These differences are creating more and more strife. Here are a few tips for coping with the divisiveness:

1) Take a moment to step into another person’s shoes – whether it be a stranger, a friend, or a loved one. What are the circumstances of their life and why might they believe what they believe? We all base our beliefs from our upbringing, our experiences, trusted news sources, along with a desire to belong. Stay curious about the context of each person’s beliefs.

2) Consider that we all have similar experiences – each one of us cares about our family, wants to be loved, and longs to be a part of a community of like-minded people. Consider ways that each person is choosing their position based on these criteria. We have many more similarities as human beings than we do differences.

3) Don’t try to change someone’s mind – it can feel controlling and manipulative to be led in a different direction that you don’t currently believe. Do your best to accept another’s opposing beliefs and work to find opinions that you both agree on.

4) Calm your emotions and slow down – don’t react with anger, instead take a breath and work on developing a helicopter view to see all perspectives as important, even if you don’t agree. No one wants to be attacked and often defensiveness can be perceived as an attack.

5) Don’t take the differing beliefs personally – a person’s beliefs are about themselves and the context of their own beliefs, not about others. Stay respectful and curious to the ways in which we are divided and why.

6) Step away from blaming, shaming, judging, and spreading guilt to others who don’t share your opinion. Consider how that feels when someone does that to you. If you find yourself falling into that looping pattern, take a mindful step back and choose to instead get curious.

7) Set boundaries – if you continue to disagree and feel tension and conflict with someone you are close with, consider an agreement to not talk about issues that are the root of conflict. It’s okay to talk about other important aspects of life.

8) If you are going to engage, ask questions and listen – inquire about the information that is offered and open up to the bias that may be occurring on both sides of the isle. Stay curious with a critical mind, not with criticism of the person.

Be With Diverse Perspectives

Be With Diverse Perspectives

     There is much power in the perspective we assume in all situations.  The more mindful we are about how we are thinking and what we are believing about people, situations, etc., the more power we have to choose and view all perspectives offered with an objective mind and heart.  In the busy movement of our culture, we have lost sight of each other and the importance of understanding and caring for one another. 

     It is time that we learn and practice broadening our idea of each person’s experience and humbly try to wear the shoes of someone else.  It is so easy to cast judgment on another for their difference, because they act in ways with which we do not agree, or look different than ourselves.  We must re-train our brains to build more tolerance to that which we don’t understand and celebrate the beauty of diversity.  It is imperative that each of us stand up for each other to stop oppression and injustice.

     The breath is a great tool for practicing to be with diverse perspectives.  When I stop to take a deep breath, I am already taking time out of the busy-ness of the moment to consider my choices.  Racism, sexism, and any other –isms begin with our thoughts, which have been conditioned by our institutionalized society which is focused on greed and inequities.   We have been conditioned through our basic institutions such as the news media, incarceration statistics, and even our US history educations, to negatively associate color or gender with less intelligence, poor motivation, and/or violent behaviors.  These patterns are lies spread around our society like a virus that is unseen and rarely considered from a white privileged perspective.

     So let’s take a moment and consider a perspective that is diverse from our own.  First, stop and breathe.  Consider what your thoughts are saying about any difference currently happening around you, notice the emotions coming up in your body, and pay attention to where they sit in your body.  We cannot control anyone else but ourselves.  We must be the change that we want to see in the world.  To hold on to judgments and anger about someone’s difference will ultimately only harm ourselves.  Let yourself be with diverse perspectives no matter how foreign, irrational, or strange they may feel.  Everyone has a story and each story has perspective that we can only find when we stop, breathe, let go of our assumptions, and actually listen. 

Cocooning For Change: The 10 C's to building transformation

We are all in such different places during this crisis; some are sheltering at home working, some are out of work, and some are working everyday on the frontlines at our hospitals, food banks, grocery stores, and farms. Regardless of whether you are at home or out in the world, we are all in a place of going within and trying to understand this pandemic and the best and most logical ways to move forward. Here are 10 C’s we are building upon for transformation as a nation, as a world, and as a species:

1) Compassion – Many are realizing just how important empathy and understanding each other really is. We are learning to offer ourselves more love and support while giving it to others. This pandemic is helping us to understand all perspectives from which a person may be experiencing our situation.

2) Care – Many are caring for others intensely right now and giving the shirt off their backs to make sure families don’t go hungry and we are all cared for. With the threat of this virus and its potential impact on our bodies, this is an opportunity to take extra special good care of yourself and everyone around you. We are all the same and every single life matters.

3) Communication – This situation is forcing us to express ourselves in more authentic and open ways. Talk to people you trust who care and express yourself. Also, this is a difficult situation so consider how you are dialoguing with yourself. Ask yourself, “What do I need?” Share your needs with others and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

4) Creativity – We are in a unique situation where we can’t plan our future. Instead of planning, this is the time to dream, to inspire each other, and use our imaginations like never before. Einstein stated that "Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited, whereas imagination embraces the entire world, stimulating progress, giving birth to evolution."

5) Curiosity – Our awe for life and each moment begins to grow. We can begin to get more curious about ourselves and how we think, feel, and behave. The more curious we are, the less judgment we cast. One cannot be curious and judgmental at the same time.

6) Contemplation – This is the time for us to think more deeply about ourselves, our lives, and our relationships. Ask yourself if you have lived and loved as much as you possibly can. What more would you like to do with your life? When we go within, we find more clarity, truth, and understanding.

7) Courage – We are much more vulnerable given the crisis, both individually and socially. To be vulnerable is to be courageous and vice versa. Brene Brown stated that, “Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.

8) Confidence – In meeting the challenge of this experience, we learn what we are made of and we build strength and resiliency the likes of which we didn’t know we were capable. This in turn builds more self-trust and belief in self and society.

9) Community/Collaboration – There is oneness between us all that we have forgotten. When we remember, we find a world helping each other and collaborating together in unity instead of divisiveness. We learn that the world runs on kindness and love for each other.

10) Connection – How we connect with each other will evolve. Without as much physical touch, we begin to notice the subtle energetic and emotional ways we have been connecting the whole time, under the radar of our consciousness. With this awareness comes an evolution of understanding about the interconnection of everyone and everything in the universe.