Tips For Coping in a Divisive Climate

By: Lisa Templeton, Ph.D.

This upcoming election along with a series of pandemics, from COVID, to race, to the economy, has brought about more divisiveness than we have seen in our society in a long time. The division has created a great deal of anxiety and stress for many people. Many friends, families, and co-workers are struggling with different ideas, beliefs, and perspectives on what is happening, while also getting their information from very different sources. These differences are creating more and more strife. Here are a few tips for coping with the divisiveness:

1) Take a moment to step into another person’s shoes – whether it be a stranger, a friend, or a loved one. What are the circumstances of their life and why might they believe what they believe? We all base our beliefs from our upbringing, our experiences, trusted news sources, along with a desire to belong. Stay curious about the context of each person’s beliefs.

2) Consider that we all have similar experiences – each one of us cares about our family, wants to be loved, and longs to be a part of a community of like-minded people. Consider ways that each person is choosing their position based on these criteria. We have many more similarities as human beings than we do differences.

3) Don’t try to change someone’s mind – it can feel controlling and manipulative to be led in a different direction that you don’t currently believe. Do your best to accept another’s opposing beliefs and work to find opinions that you both agree on.

4) Calm your emotions and slow down – don’t react with anger, instead take a breath and work on developing a helicopter view to see all perspectives as important, even if you don’t agree. No one wants to be attacked and often defensiveness can be perceived as an attack.

5) Don’t take the differing beliefs personally – a person’s beliefs are about themselves and the context of their own beliefs, not about others. Stay respectful and curious to the ways in which we are divided and why.

6) Step away from blaming, shaming, judging, and spreading guilt to others who don’t share your opinion. Consider how that feels when someone does that to you. If you find yourself falling into that looping pattern, take a mindful step back and choose to instead get curious.

7) Set boundaries – if you continue to disagree and feel tension and conflict with someone you are close with, consider an agreement to not talk about issues that are the root of conflict. It’s okay to talk about other important aspects of life.

8) If you are going to engage, ask questions and listen – inquire about the information that is offered and open up to the bias that may be occurring on both sides of the isle. Stay curious with a critical mind, not with criticism of the person.

Be With Diverse Perspectives

Be With Diverse Perspectives

     There is much power in the perspective we assume in all situations.  The more mindful we are about how we are thinking and what we are believing about people, situations, etc., the more power we have to choose and view all perspectives offered with an objective mind and heart.  In the busy movement of our culture, we have lost sight of each other and the importance of understanding and caring for one another. 

     It is time that we learn and practice broadening our idea of each person’s experience and humbly try to wear the shoes of someone else.  It is so easy to cast judgment on another for their difference, because they act in ways with which we do not agree, or look different than ourselves.  We must re-train our brains to build more tolerance to that which we don’t understand and celebrate the beauty of diversity.  It is imperative that each of us stand up for each other to stop oppression and injustice.

     The breath is a great tool for practicing to be with diverse perspectives.  When I stop to take a deep breath, I am already taking time out of the busy-ness of the moment to consider my choices.  Racism, sexism, and any other –isms begin with our thoughts, which have been conditioned by our institutionalized society which is focused on greed and inequities.   We have been conditioned through our basic institutions such as the news media, incarceration statistics, and even our US history educations, to negatively associate color or gender with less intelligence, poor motivation, and/or violent behaviors.  These patterns are lies spread around our society like a virus that is unseen and rarely considered from a white privileged perspective.

     So let’s take a moment and consider a perspective that is diverse from our own.  First, stop and breathe.  Consider what your thoughts are saying about any difference currently happening around you, notice the emotions coming up in your body, and pay attention to where they sit in your body.  We cannot control anyone else but ourselves.  We must be the change that we want to see in the world.  To hold on to judgments and anger about someone’s difference will ultimately only harm ourselves.  Let yourself be with diverse perspectives no matter how foreign, irrational, or strange they may feel.  Everyone has a story and each story has perspective that we can only find when we stop, breathe, let go of our assumptions, and actually listen. 

Cocooning For Change: The 10 C's to building transformation

We are all in such different places during this crisis; some are sheltering at home working, some are out of work, and some are working everyday on the frontlines at our hospitals, food banks, grocery stores, and farms. Regardless of whether you are at home or out in the world, we are all in a place of going within and trying to understand this pandemic and the best and most logical ways to move forward. Here are 10 C’s we are building upon for transformation as a nation, as a world, and as a species:

1) Compassion – Many are realizing just how important empathy and understanding each other really is. We are learning to offer ourselves more love and support while giving it to others. This pandemic is helping us to understand all perspectives from which a person may be experiencing our situation.

2) Care – Many are caring for others intensely right now and giving the shirt off their backs to make sure families don’t go hungry and we are all cared for. With the threat of this virus and its potential impact on our bodies, this is an opportunity to take extra special good care of yourself and everyone around you. We are all the same and every single life matters.

3) Communication – This situation is forcing us to express ourselves in more authentic and open ways. Talk to people you trust who care and express yourself. Also, this is a difficult situation so consider how you are dialoguing with yourself. Ask yourself, “What do I need?” Share your needs with others and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

4) Creativity – We are in a unique situation where we can’t plan our future. Instead of planning, this is the time to dream, to inspire each other, and use our imaginations like never before. Einstein stated that "Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited, whereas imagination embraces the entire world, stimulating progress, giving birth to evolution."

5) Curiosity – Our awe for life and each moment begins to grow. We can begin to get more curious about ourselves and how we think, feel, and behave. The more curious we are, the less judgment we cast. One cannot be curious and judgmental at the same time.

6) Contemplation – This is the time for us to think more deeply about ourselves, our lives, and our relationships. Ask yourself if you have lived and loved as much as you possibly can. What more would you like to do with your life? When we go within, we find more clarity, truth, and understanding.

7) Courage – We are much more vulnerable given the crisis, both individually and socially. To be vulnerable is to be courageous and vice versa. Brene Brown stated that, “Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.

8) Confidence – In meeting the challenge of this experience, we learn what we are made of and we build strength and resiliency the likes of which we didn’t know we were capable. This in turn builds more self-trust and belief in self and society.

9) Community/Collaboration – There is oneness between us all that we have forgotten. When we remember, we find a world helping each other and collaborating together in unity instead of divisiveness. We learn that the world runs on kindness and love for each other.

10) Connection – How we connect with each other will evolve. Without as much physical touch, we begin to notice the subtle energetic and emotional ways we have been connecting the whole time, under the radar of our consciousness. With this awareness comes an evolution of understanding about the interconnection of everyone and everything in the universe.

Nine Mindful Self-Care Behaviors to Practice While in Isolation

Take time to care for yourselves and each other.

Here are a list of self-care behaviors to consider practicing while staying in isolation:

1) Practice moving around every day in some capacity. Take walks staying at least 6 feet from others. Set up a home gym and stream some home workouts and yoga programs.

2) Stay mindful and try to minimize your news and social media intake. Try to stay within no more than 30 minutes a day.

3) Take supplements that help with immunity including Vitamin C, D, Zinc, and Selenium.

4) Try to keep your sugar and carb intake to a minimum. It’s easy to want comfort food in a time like this. Balance this out with nutritious fruits and vegetables – try for 80% healthy.

5) Take time to be alone and slow down – practice some guided meditation or just focus on the moment and breathe for a couple of minutes. Don’t try to do anything, just be.

6) Practice deep breathing in every moment. Exhale for twice as long as you inhale for a few breaths. This helps to increase the parasympathetic nervous system that calms the system and helps us ground.

7) Do something creative – activate the creative part of your brain by trying a new form of art.

8) Listen to some music, look at some art, or read a book. There are thousands of books online. Also, many museums are now putting their exhibits online.

9) Remember your resiliency. We are very resourceful and there are many people working to help during this crisis. We will get through this.

Honoring Our Teachers

Honoring Our Teachers

By Lisa Templeton, Ph.D.

We are all here on this earth to teach and to learn from each other. Teachers can take the form of any age, ethnicity, race, gender, species, or situation. From the educators who spend time every day teaching our children to the mentors who guide us along the way on our emotional or spiritual path. Teachers can even take the form of illnesses and painful experiences. The fly buzzing in our face may be teaching us frustration tolerance and the pain in our body helps us learn more self-compassion. Honoring our teachers helps us shift our perspective and opens us to receive and grow.

Many people and experiences are teaching us without us even realizing it. If you are asking for more patience, the guy who just cut you off in traffic is teaching you. The woman who greets you with an open heart may be teaching you authenticity. If you are working on staying more mindful, your pain is reminding you to live in the present moment. A beautiful talk by a dear mentor may offer insight that you did not possess before.

Remember that if you set an intention, the universe will offer support. I recently asked for guidance around working through irritability. Once I set this intent, I found many triggers to frustration and a lot of annoyance coming into my life. Initially, I was discouraged. What is with all of these triggers? A person did not return a smile, a nasty cold made the holidays difficult, and a fly is buzzing around my face. Then I remembered that I asked for help. These triggers are my teachers. How can I receive help with irritability without experiencing the emotion of frustration to work with it differently? Once I was able to move into gratitude for these teachers, my perspective shifted and the lesson became much clearer. I then found more objectivity and compassion while feeling irritable remembering that it is always temporary. I also felt more grace in the experience, which provided a bit more ease to work through it.

Let us honor and express gratitude for our teachers, even if the lessons they are teaching us are painful. When a difficult person or situation arises, ask yourself, what can I learn from this? What gift can I receive for my own growth? This may provide a new perspective and/or a more objective viewpoint on the situation. Don’t forget how much we learn from joyful people and situations as well. Take in the good from these valuable and inspiring lessons. Stay open and thankful for your teachers and you will continue to learn.

Coping with Seasonal Stress and the Holiday Blues: 10 tips to surviving struggles during this festive time

The holidays can bring up a mixed bag of experiences and emotions for many of us. Many feel the joyfulness of giving during the season, excitement at gatherings of friends and families, as well as the beauty of the lights and festivities. At the same time, there is the stress of seeing the high credit card bill after buying presents, the sadness of missing loved ones who have passed, the anxiety of the crowds, and pressure of getting things accomplished by a deadline.

It’s natural that stress will occur when so many emotions are swirling around for all of us. Here is a list of tips to guide you in mindfully surviving the season:

1) Stay in the present moment – In a high stress time (or anytime for that matter), it is grounding and healthy to work on awareness of each moment and the sensations we feel. Sure we must plan ahead, but we must also bring ourselves back to each moment as it is happening and not allow our minds to wonder for long periods in the past or the future. Keep breathing and use your senses to ground you in each moment.

2) Don’t take things personally – Given most of us are feeling more stress during this time of year, it’s easy to feel more sensitive and thus assume that others’ indifferent or cold behavior is about us. When we take things personally, we create doubt about ourselves. Stay clear on what is yours and what is another person’s issue.

3) Live in gratitude – Take note of all of your blessings, from small ones to big ones. When we focus on abundance rather than lack, we generally feel better. Notice when things are going well and how smooth they went.

4) Take one step at a time – Try not to do too many things at once. Choose one task and complete it. Try not to think of the next task as you are completing another. Also try not to jump back and forth from one task to another too often. It’s complicating and overstimulating for our already overstimulated brains!

5) Watch for negative/ineffective thought patterns – As you are living in the present moment, take note of the way you are thinking about your circumstances. How are you imagining the family dinner? Are you building scenarios of what might happen given past events? Notice how you feel when you are thinking negatively about the future. If you start to feel intense emotion, take note of what you were just thinking about and challenge it to be more present-focused, realistic, uplifting, and positive. Try to speak to yourself as you would a friend.

6) Know your audience at gatherings – Be conscious and mindful of who is around when engaging in conversations, particularly around politics, religion, and past experiences. Stay mindful of not engaging in triggering topics that activate the room with conflict. If someone brings up a triggering comment, set your boundary by asking to talk about something else or simply excuse yourself and don’t engage.

7) Bring in the good – We are all so used to focusing on what could go wrong (which is a basic process of evolution and staying alive), we tend to forget about what is going right. Take time to notice as many moments of joy, beauty, love, and lightness as you can. Positive emotions are useful to offset stressful times. Appreciate what these experiences feel like in your body. When we bring in the good, it offsets the blues.

8) Take time for yourself – During the holidays, there is an increase in parties and gatherings that can lead to burn out. Most of us need time to ourselves to process and reflect on social events and stay in balance within. Give yourself a bit of time to relax daily. If you are at a holiday gathering and you are feeling overwhelmed, take a brief walk or find a quiet space for a few minutes and breathe deeply.

9) Take good care of yourself – With all of the yummy food and drink during the holiday season, it’s easy to take a “screw it” attitude with self-care. This is actually the most important time to create moderation and to work on yourself. Be mindful of your choices and try to create balance with exercise, relaxation, deep diaphragmatic breathing, and proper amount of sleep for your body. For those who struggle with addictions, work to increase your support and focus on taking it one day at a time.

10) Try not to resist; practice allowing – It’s easy to resist this time of year, especially if it has negative connotations for you with stress, family quarrels, grief, and/or overwhelm. People talk about “getting through the holidays” or state, “When the holidays are over, I’ll feel better.” Try to go with the flow and allow each moment, each day to pass with a practice of care for yourself, dropping the resistance of the holidays. They are going to come every single year, whether you like it or not, so why not welcome them?

Have questions? Contact Dr. Lisa at 303-514-4058 or email her at drlisatempleton@yahoo.com

3 Tips For Letting Go of Self-Criticism

Self-criticism is but a habitual behavior that we all learned from our past. Perhaps from a bully, an abusive or neglectful parent, a narcissistic friend or an inner perfectionist that led to frustrations with self. Many of us don't even realize the thoughts we are saying to and about ourselves in our own head.

Here are three tips to aid in letting go of self-criticisms and transforming your relationship with yourself:

1) Slow down! We can't even know what we are saying to ourselves unless we slow down and have the courage and strength to listen. Take time in the day to breath and listen to your thoughts. Think about what you are thinking about.

2) Don't judge yourself for any criticisms you notice. The last thing you want to do is to double up on judgment - we can't solve the problem with the same mindset that created it! Take a breath and praise yourself for noticing the thought, as mean or nasty as it might be. Bring up compassion and love for yourself.

3) Use a Courtroom Mind - try to take the self-critical thought into a courtroom where there is a lot of objectivity and the evidence for the thought is being laid out. What is the evidence for the self-critical thought? If you find no evidence, toss the thought away. It is not useful to you and is not true. If you find a thin amount of evidence, take a judge's approach saying, "I'm not sure if this thought is true - I will continue to explore and challenge this."

Originally posted 2/4/2016

6 Tips for Mindfully Giving and Receiving This Season

By Lisa Templeton, Ph.D.

As we move into the season of giving, we must not only open our generous hearts to others but also take time to mindfully receive. How often do we truly ground into our hearts the receipt of a gift, whether it be a compliment, an expensive item, or a simple smile? Receive the love and care behind the gift into your heart and give it back to the world in kind.
The point of this time of year is truly about reciprocity – giving and receiving, a mutual dependence on each other for both to occur. The entire universe works on a give and take basis. The leaves turn colors and tumble from the trees to become nutrients for the earth; a mother gives her body for her child to receive life and grow.
Consider the idea of reciprocity and how you can connect more deeply with this gift. Through this practice of staying open to giving and receiving, you see how closely tied to each other we really are. Here are 6 tips for mindfully giving and receiving this season:

1) Know that you are worth it - you deserve to receive love and care from others. Consider that your worth never changes, much like a twenty-dollar bill, no matter how it is torn or battered. Regardless of what you have been through, done or not done, you still have worth. When you remember your worth, giving yourself more love and care, it is much easier to receive.

2) Stay aware of the present moment – in each moment, we can be mindful of how it feels in our mind and body when we give and when we receive. Do you feel open or closed off in your body? Also, be consciously aware of your thoughts in this process. Stay mindful with no judgment so you can shift your mindset and be more open to what the universe has to offer.

3) Be generous – as you receive, give back in kind. Pay it forward. Open your heart to others in need and consider offering anything you feel called to provide to another person, be it a smile, a donation, a compliment, or a prayer.

4) Release expectations – it’s easy to fall into expectations about how reciprocity might work. You may not receive from the same person to whom you gave. You may not give to the person from whom you received. Perhaps, you may have a prayer that has not been answered. This can lead to frustration and an unconscious closing off to abundance. Allow yourself to receive whatever comes into your life. Be in the moment and trust that if you are open to receiving, abundance will come in its own timing.

5) Open yourself to abundance through gratitude – as you sit in gratitude, you automatically open yourself to receiving and will likely receive more. Gratitude opens our minds, our hearts, and our neuropathways. Stay grateful for all blessings, big and small. This allows space to receive and let in abundance. If you find it is hard to receive, simply say the words, “thank you” to begin gently opening.

6) Take note of reciprocity – be a part of the mutual dependence of all beings in the world. When you offer a smile, you are more likely to receive a smile; if you give some help, you will more likely receive some help; if you give some love, you will more likely receive some love. Stay open to how this exchange of energy flows and how truly important each of us is in this process.

Building a Bridge between Logic and Emotion

Building a Bridge between Logic and Emotion

By: Lisa Templeton, Ph.D.

    You may notice while practicing mindful awareness that logic at times can become muddled and confusing when associated with intense emotions.  You may also notice that in times of stress or crisis, you become overly logical and push away emotions that appear intrusive.  This article offers a practice to learn how to connect your logic to emotion and your emotion to your logic.  We must learn to use our emotions, as well as logic, as tools for more understanding and clarity. 

     Generally, we each have a preference for either logic or emotion.  We become accustomed to using either logic or emotion alone.  Therefore, each of us are coming from a slightly different perspective in terms of building the bridge.  Some people live in a very logical way with emotion at bay, while others live more out of emotion and feeling sense.  Some seem to notice the intense emotion all the time without clear logic while others don’t feel their emotions at all.  Each situation also lands us somewhere between emotion and logic depending on the intensity and level of difficulty we are experiencing.

     When building a bridge, balance is the key.  Both emotions and logical thought are important for balance as they offer counter moves to each other.   Just as in the construction of a bridge, there is cement and rebar mixed together perfectly to create the balance needed.  Both emotion and logic must be offered to create balance. With this balance, building a bridge between our logic and emotion offers us effective tools to use when life hits us with very difficult experiences and intense feelings.   

     As we are all a bit unique, each of us will build this bridge from a different perspective.  Also, each experience may bring on more or less emotions or logic, depending on what’s happening.  The first step in building a bridge within between emotion and logic is to identify your preference in each moment and set an intention to lean into the side that feels a bit more uncomfortable – is it emotion or logic? 

     Once you establish your pattern, then you can change it.  If you recognize that you tend to get more emotional in tense situations, you might need to work on compassionately noticing how your logic is impacted during emotions.  If you identify that you are very calm in emotional situations and move into clear rational thought, you might take some time to notice your body, give space for your emotions, and breathe into anything you are feeling. 

Here are 6 tips to staying balanced while building the bridge of emotion and logic:

1)      Connect to yourself and ground to the earth - stop and breathe.   Slow your breath down to notice and experience both emotional (body) and cognitive (mind).  Use your breath to aid you in slowing down long enough to notice. 

2)      Engage presence/awareness of the moment.  Take the time to notice your thoughts and emotions.  Follow how thoughts and emotions play off each other and how they can influence and even distort one another at times.  You are not your thoughts or your emotions.  When you work with them (lean in just a bit to experience both emotions and logic in the situation) instead of resisting and pushing one away, the balance of both can transform your life to bring more peace, happiness, and joy.  Remember that emotions are not all bad.  Invite them all within each moment without excluding any.

3)      Stay connected to kindness and compassion for self, wherever you are and whatever emotion you are experiencing.  It is okay to feel however you feel.  We must bring compassion and understanding to ourselves for how these patterns have been created over time.  Balance is increased with connection and love.  With love, we can change anything.  With judgment, we are limited and pushed down.  Once we can see how our thoughts and emotions are interrelated, we can bring more love and compassion to this process. 

4)      Try looking at things from an observer stance/stay objective with a helicopter view. Step outside of your emotion to notice all larger perspectives. What would you say to a loved one in the same situation?  What would you want your loved one to say to you? Observe what is happening with more objectivity and less reactivity. 

5)      Bring in critical thinking.  Critical thinking is not being judgmental to yourself, it is a process by which you consider facts and true evidence of the situation.  Are your thoughts about an emotional situation true?  Could your thoughts be muddling your emotion based on false statements?  Ground in the truth that you know to be real based on evidence.

6)      Find an outlet for your emotions and your thoughts.  We need to keep emotions moving by acknowledging and caring for them.  Offer an outlet, perhaps doing art to express more emotion or writing/journaling to bring in more logic.  Additionally, mindful walking or yoga can aid in addressing emotion and logic while connecting within.  Care for your emotions compassionately and inquire what is needed to address them with love.

     With this practice of breath, mindfulness, critical thought, as well as compassion for self, body, and emotions, the bridge between your emotions (body) and thoughts (mind) is being constructed each moment with balance, intention, love, and connection.

Be A Compassionate Friend To Yourself - An excerpt from Dr. Lisa's book, Letting It Be: Mindful Lessons Toward Acceptance

AS WE CONTINUE TO OBSERVE OUR THOUGHTS, EMOTIONS and behaviors, we may still find a voice deep within that is negative or doubtful about our worth, abilities and personhood. This can manifest as a conflict inside of our head; the age-old battle between the angel and the devil; the id and the ego; the judger and the judged; the inner observer and the thinker; and the victim and the bully.

The conflict itself creates two polar opposites; a dichotomy within that can affect our thoughts, our emotions, as well as mindful choices. Yet, the polarization is an illusion. There is no separate self; there is no judge and there is nothing to judge. Conversely, I am the judge and I am also the judger. As we’ve already learned, we can choose our thoughts, our emotions, our behaviors, and hence, our inner dialogue between these two counterparts. Both sides need to be understood in order to integrate them.

We are one with our observer, our divinity, our sacred self, and our inner essence. Use this tool to guide you. We must observe all parts of our self with love in order to work in concert within. We can choose to be our own worst enemy or a compassionate friend to ourselves, depending on the past patterns of dialogue with our self and others. Look a bit more deeply within at your dialogue and relations within yourself.

We may hear thoughts in our mind that we don’t like and so we work hard to force the thoughts away, push them down. This, in essence, has created the battle. In forcing the thoughts away, we are creating an “other” and perpetuating the conflict between ourselves and this other being. This “other” continues to incessantly chat away about what we did wrong, how we are not enough and how we need to behave differently. For most of us, these are thought patterns that we have had for most of our lives, not realizing they are even there, much less that we can change them. Instead, we have worked to fight them, push them down, and create something separate from ourselves.

Separation within begets a perception of separation outside of ourselves. Our interpersonal relationships offer a lot of insight into what is happening within. How are you thinking about other people? What judgments do you have about them? By seeing your relationship with others as a mirror unto your own relations with yourself, you can see your inner world more clearly. When you are looking at others, see yourself for the reality of what you are creating. When we start to learn our power through self-knowledge, we can take ownership for our creations, and then we can more easily choose to be a compassionate friend to ourselves. Understand what you are creating and change it to align with the love you really are.

If we believe ourselves to be separate beings and treat others as such – this creates a sense that we are alone. Yet, we are not alone; we are all connected in a reflection of ourselves and each other.

***If you would like to read more, please check out 

Letting It Be: Mindful Lessons Toward Acceptance at Amazon.com