Bringing Light to Dark Places Within

     It can feel intimidating leaning into the dark places within.  It seems so much easier to continue casting away the things we don’t like about ourselves to the shadows and keep those difficult parts under our “control.”  Yet, this is a fallacy; this practice leaves us blind to ourselves and also creates a vulnerability within that generates more fear and division.  The fact that you are reading this article speaks to a part of you wanting to integrate and build awareness of your full self.  This is where our power truly lies.

     Still, most people I talk with express a lot of fear and hesitancy, as these places are riddled with shame, guilt, judgment, and sometimes outright disdain.  It takes a lot of courage, bravery, and patience to lean into these places.  Consider a dog caught in a trap as a metaphor.  The trap it is trapped in represents a pattern of coping that puts difficult experiences, emotions, thoughts, and self-perceptions into the shadow where it cannot be seen, even by ourselves.  When we try to feel some kind of connection or help it, it may express anger, getting aggressive and judgmental.  Overtime, we learn to avoid this part completely.  When we begin to tune back in, our shadow selves can be perceived to be acting like a violent dog and, at first glance ,is very scary.  But with patience, love, and kindness we find that this part of ourselves truly needs more love and connection. 

     We need to build trust and rapport with this part of ourselves and bring more light to its difficulties.  It is not an aggressive and mean dog that will hurt you, it is angry and afraid, needing more love and acceptance, not feeling seen or heard.  We must bring light to the heavy experiences these parts have endured.

     When working to bring more light to this darker parts, consider what light is comprised of.  Light is made up of a variety of energies including unconditional love, compassion, understanding, patience, and even courage.  You can’t expect these dark parts of yourself to be very excited about connecting with you after being put in a corner and cast aside.  We need to first build trust and gentle rapport. 

     Think about how you build trust in general relationships – we offer love, presence, acknowledgment, and compassionate care.  We can invite these parts in with a bit of caution to see and hear these voices that are buried so deep.  Begin by showing it that you mean well and offer apologies for the division that is occurring.  Perhaps making a loving, positive statement or two a few times a day to stay attentive to the relationship such as, “All parts of myself deserve to be seen and heard” or saying directly to the dark parts, “Hi there – just checking in on you” and offering some listening if these parts have anything to say.  If it’s anger or judgment, set boundaries, offer apologies, and remind yourself that you are working to change this.  

     Let these parts know that you are taking steps to create more cohesion and you need support to do so.  You might not like these scary, dark areas of your psyche; yet, you are working to care for these parts equally and move forward with courage.  What you will find overtime is that these parts are usually on the same page with ourselves more than we realize.

     This practice is a process that is all about ease and flow with gentleness – not about forcing or trying to change any part of yourself in this moment.  Without wanting to change anything, it brings an unconditional aspect to our love which deepens trust and offers more space for softening (as we discussed in the last newsletter and meditation).  Let’s take a gentler tone with ourselves and our perception of these dark places that reside in us all.  With this softer approach, the lines of division gradually begin to blur, and we see the connection within ourselves that has been broken.  Slowly but surely, we can begin to thread the parts together again with chords of healing light.

     If you feel resistant, uncomfortable, and/or uncertain, than you are on the right path.  This is quite normal.  Some share a fear that this shadow part will take over or they won’t have control any longer.  Others that they will become overwhelmed with negativity.  These ideas could not be farther from the truth.  Leaning into parts of ourselves that we have judged (and also been judged by) and cast out can be difficult to jump from shame and blame right into love and compassion.  Shifting our patterns can feel off and uncertain initially so take your time with yourself and be gentle not matter what.  It takes time to build trust and continue to stay attuned, so set your intention and be kind.  

     Remember the gifts that arise as you continue to practice, you will gain mastery and more understanding of the lessons, treasures, and gems that have been hidden in the darkness and they will come into the light more as you shine the light of your presence and attention there, which creates more connection.  What do you have to lose?  There is never anything to fear within your own self – we only lose control and power when we are divided within.  Work to create more integration for yourself within this year and you will find more peace, inner power, and ease in your life.

Softening From the Inside Out

Softening From the Inside Out

By Dr. Lisa Templeton

The chaotic world we live in can easily harden each one of us. We are all in great need of softening. Hard hearts can be found in all directions; people feeling alone, angry, and desperate for care. The air of blame and judgment is prevalent throughout our society. This has created an environment laden with protection and hard boundaries with “the other”. The trouble is that “the other” is most likely just like you and me – the other might even be a part of you. We are all needing to protect ourselves more efficiently, with more love.

If “the other” is a part of you, this is happening within us at a deep level. There are no Americans who are not in some way feeling conflicted within themselves, whether it be about purpose or meaning or about health (illness, aging or weight management) or career (financial concerns, growth, retirement), or not feeling good enough, smart enough, rich enough – the list goes on and on. This conflict is not serving us – especially if we are working to create more equality and peace in the world.

Whatever may bring about stress in our lives, we can work to create an inner environment that sets the stage for resiliency and effective management of life. This entails softening within. This doesn’t mean don’t be cautious or that you are weak because you are soft. It means you are courageous for allowing yourself to let go and make intentional choices for yourself. If our inner space is a nurturing, accepting environment, then it’s much easier to bring that space with you wherever you go in whatever circumstance you find yourself. This energy expands and draws others in.

Let’s all work to create an internal nurturing environment that uplifts us within and all others around us. In this mindset, there is true equality. Every living being matters – including you! We soften our hearts melting old unnecessary internal protections that limit our relationship with ourselves and others. Here are 6 qualities that can guide us in softening:

1) Kindness – we must bring an air of kindness to our relationship with everything around us. This provides a precious ingredient to melting internal walls. When we offer kindness to others, there is a respect of value conveyed. Consider offering kindness to every single experience, feeling, sensation, person, or item that you encounter. That means being kind even when you have a painful sensation or a problem with your body or mind. Bring a smile and a sense of the sacred to everything in and around us.

2) Flexibility – we must stay flexible with our expectations and perceptions of ourselves and the world. Each person’s experience over the course of many years shapes beliefs and connections that grow. It is our responsibility to challenge these beliefs, first for ourselves, to be sure that the soil in the garden of our mind is nurturing and balanced to aid for growth and blossoming in our life. Be flexible with ever-changing information and new experiences that might come your way. Check out your assumptions and stay adaptable with them.

3) Gentleness – we have been taught to push ourselves, sometimes in a harsh way, without any thought to the tone or the capability given our current situation. Remember to bring equality to yourself. Treat yourself as you would a loved one in a gentle and nurturing way. We can bring an energy of gentleness that offers us guidance and wisdom. Gentleness doesn’t mean meek or passive. It is active - stay firm with yourself. Stay mindful of your inner tone.

4) Compassion, Empathy and Love – this trifecta is so important to melt away unnecessary protections and boundaries of our heart. We are working to soften from within, so we have to lean into some of our feelings. Remember the feeling of love and work to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. Then, you must consider what the other person might feel. Sometimes we first must know what we ourselves are feeling. This entails an extension of our hearts, a softening within to feel. We plug in for a time and we unplug when needed – no need to harden. Love, compassion, and empathy offer the utmost protection when we expand and lean in to ourselves to trust that. Keep in mind that as we soften, we stay focused on our internal needs and ways to replenish our cup. This allows us to be open in the world a bit more without feeling so overwhelmed.

5) Spaciousness and Expansion – space offers a new perspective and feels so much less constricting when we expand our viewpoint. When we forge internal and external walls with ourselves and others, it can be very isolating and perpetuates the idea that we are alone, when that notion is absolutely false. Allow your heart to expand outward and notice how it feels within yourself for a time. Practice opening your heart to others energetically – always stay open to yourself. With our imagination, we can create space at any time. Practice!

6) Trust – it’s not easy to trust in such a chaotic world. Lean into yourself and remember that if you are working on yourself, you care about others and the world, you are trustworthy person. Trust to first soften with yourself. This is the most important relationship you will ever have. Any negative thinking patterns of judgment or blame are conditioned – not who you are. Trust that you are working to learn more about yourself. Softening is a huge aspect in accessing the wisdom within.

Carrying The Load With Grace, Kindness, and Strength

Carrying The Load With Grace, Kindness, and Strength

By Lisa Templeton, Ph.D.

     The classic quote by Lena Horne, “It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s how you carry it” is a great line and very helpful for shifting our perspective.  Yet, I can’t help but wonder, what is the best way to carry a load, so it doesn’t break one down?  In my reflections around this, I have come up with four pointers to keep in mind when it feels like life is weighing you down:

1)      Perspective is everything.  Our perspective is created by how we think about the load.  Thoughts such as, “this is unbearable” or “I can’t handle this” or “I won’t be able to get through this” only serve to increase our anxiety and the weight of what we are carrying.  Consider thoughts such as, “this load is heavy and I know I can get through this” or “I can handle this – I’m handling this right now” or “You got this, everything is temporary.”  These thoughts offer a bit of truth, lightness, and inner support to give us more strength to carry a heavy load with grace and resilience.

2)      Believe in yourself!  Remember the game, ‘Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board?  When we collectively believed that the person was light, they became lighter, light enough to lift with our pinky fingers!  When we believe that the load is lighter, it can become lighter.  Believing in ourselves comes from being a good friend to yourself.  Be kind and gentle.  When you stop to speak to yourself gently, light in tone, and loving, you are being a better friend to yourself.  This offers a strength to help us believe we have what it takes to move through.  In this mindset, there is always lightness.

3)      Remember the temporary nature of everything.  What feels like a very heavy load right now will possibly only be a memory in a few days or months.  All that is weighing on you right now is a potential form of teaching and growth.  The struggle in life can be just what we need to move forward in our own evolution.  Always keep in mind that everything is temporary.

4)      Stay in the present moment.  Take one step at a time and don’t think too much about the future steps you will be taking.  With a ‘one step at a time attitude’, we stay conscious of what is right here right now instead of engaging in a future time thinking we will carry this load forever.  We have no idea what the load will feel like even 10 steps from now.  Take it easy, keep breathing, and stay kind with yourself.  This offers the strength needed to carry a heavy load with grace and support.

Being Gentle with Self and Others

Being Gentle with Self and Others

by Dr. Lisa Templeton

Gentleness can seem a difficult path in such a harsh, overstimulating, and critical world. It feels so much easier to withdraw, isolate, create walls, and harden to the environment around and within us. It takes courage to be gentle and to step outside of what we have deemed safe and comfortable. To understand this softened energy, let’s consider what gentleness is not. Gentleness is not a weakness. It is not letting people walk all over you or using “kid gloves” with others. It is not managing others’ emotions or trying to force a situation. Being gentle is not an opening that leaves you vulnerable and potentially hurt. It is a strength of courage that brings about more empowerment and lightness.

To be gentle opens the path for great wisdom and awareness to show itself around the hardened parts of others and within ourselves; these parts that we continue to conflict with or rub against in an uncomfortable way. Gentleness is encompassed with kindness, compassion, and understanding. There is an awareness of the circumstances, environment, and situation at hand. Gentleness is aware of the big picture and all that is around it. Consider the gentleness of a deer – aware and alert, yet poised, calm, and peaceful. This energy teaches us to remember to be tender with ourselves and others. To be gentle is to offer true care, nurturing, and love to ourselves and to others. Every single one of us needs to be cared for and to care for ourselves.

The world may look bleak filled with people who don't care, but this is not true. Human behavior does not depict an individual’s inner thoughts very well. Some behaviors seem to convey a lack of care on the outside, with a sort of indifference, but deeply within they are extremely overwhelmed, hardened, traumatized, and afraid. We must be the change we want to see and soften the hard edges within us. Remember that this practice, in turn, provides comfort and inspiration in a difficult world that often comes with a lot of pain and suffering.

Gentleness isn’t being a push over to those who are hurting others. It recognizes that hurt people lash out at others and try to gain control through overpowering others. Gentleness involves a fierce nature that doesn’t attach to the hard, harsh nature of hate, fear, and judgment. A softer energy offers a deeper awareness of when we are being harmed and how to set a clear boundary, step away, and hold true to our values of care and love that exist moreso in our world than we realize. Gentleness doesn’t make you weak, it actually strengthens your sense of oneness and love.

Take a few moments right now to tap into gentleness. If we see others and their hard ways feeling pokey and distressing, practice meeting that with care, love, and compassion - with a gentle awareness. Take a deep breath. Notice your body. Pay attention to your heart and set an intention to soften your heart first with yourself and then with others. Check in with your torso, your stomach, hips, arms, and legs. See if you can breathe into any tight space you notice. If you have pain somewhere, give it care and attention. As Rumi stated, “Don’t turn away. Keep your gaze on the bandaged place. That’s where the light enters you.” When we offer a gentle mindful eye to the hardened, hurt places, we find the light within ourselves and in each and every one of us.

Breathe in deeply and exhale. Allow your whole body to relax all at once. Try to offer a gentleness when regarding and attending to your body. Remember that there is an honor in having this body, as hard as it is to maintain and care for. Give gratitude to your body and your mind and set an intention to be gentler with yourself in your dialogue, as well as with your body and the choices you make. Start within and then consider how you might soften with others in your life. Each moment is an opportunity to soften our hearts and open our minds to the care we all crave so deeply.

Creating the Energy of Peace Within

By: Lisa Templeton, Ph.D.

Peace starts with yourself and grows. Albert Einstein stated, “Mere praise of peace is easy and ineffective. What is needed is active participation in the fight against war and everything which leads to it.” Conflict, judgment, blame, jealousy, and shame are primary ingredients that lead to war. Unfortunately, these energies are strewn all over our society – amongst social media, in our office settings, our churches, our families, friendships, and even in our relationship to ourselves. In order to create peace in the world, we must work to create peace within ourselves.

To practice living in the energy of peace, take an honest, loving, and compassionate look within and slow down to listen to the dialogue and thought patterns running through our minds. Literally, think about what you are thinking about. Stop and take notice of any conflict, judgment, or blame within, perhaps as a result of a mistake you made, or not feeling good enough. Consider how you might feel if someone else said the same thing you are saying to yourself. How would you feel?

Many of us don’t have the same reaction to our own abusive thoughts as we would from others externally. This leads me to conclude that many are numb and not aware of how their internal thoughts are impacting how they perceive the world and themselves. We cannot allow ourselves to be desensitized to violence and abuse within ourselves. We must listen to what we hear, the negative words, the energy of judgment, and meet it with more curiosity, understanding, unconditional love, and compassion.

We are living in a society that does not offer much power to the people. We must take our power back and exercise the sovereignty of our minds. Listen very closely and remember that any thought you have doesn’t have to be who you are. If you don’t like it, change it, root it out, and plant more positive affirmations, more truthful, compassionate, and understanding statements to yourself. If you notice an inner judgment, speak kindly to it and let it know that those words hurt, and you don’t want to engage with that energy any longer. Set an intention to practice more peace.

If we want peace, we must meet up with the conflictual parts of ourselves and teach these parts more about the characteristics of peace – understanding, clear communication, unconditional love, and acknowledgment, along with a softness, a spaciousness, and a quiet calm that lives within ourselves. We each have the power to own and transform how we are relating to ourselves, especially if we listen and explore our inner landscape. As we each actively participate in this practice, the ripples of peace will grow in our lives and in our world.

The Power of Validation

The Power of Validation

By Lisa Templeton, Ph.D.

Validation has the power to offer acknowledgment, active listening, as well as deeper connections with yourself and your loved ones. When we see, hear, and acknowledge what someone is saying and doing, it offers a light to them that can be uplifting. We all crave attention in various ways and it is nice to be seen by others (and by ourselves) with acceptance and love. Those that have not had much attention, affection, and appreciation often begin to question their worth and value as a person.

Have you heard the story of the professor who offers a $20 bill to his class of students? Of course, when offered a free $20, the whole class raises their hands to get the bill.

The professor proceeds to throw the $20 bill on the ground and stomp on it, speaking abusive comments to it, as well as crumpling/beating up on it. He does this for a little while and then asks if this changes anyone's mind about wanting the $20 bill.

As you may assume, everyone still wanted the abused, beat-up, and battered $20 bill because how the bill was treated did not change it's worth one bit. It was always and still is worth the $20 it is.

This story depicts how, just like the worth of the $20 bill, our value never changes throughout our existence, no matter what happens to us. It helps us to remember that no matter what kinds of abuse we might endure in our lives, our worth and our value never changes.

Would you ever look at a newborn baby and say - you are worthless? Even the baby isn't born thinking this way about him/herself. We are conditioned to believe this through subtle, as well as very direct messaging, from our societal environment. It is our responsibility to catch these old, conditioned patterns and challenge them with more love and compassion for ourselves. We must remind ourselves and each other that we do have worth.

So how can we give ourselves and each other more validation and acknowledgment? First, pay attention! Listen to what is going on within you, while also staying curious about what others are saying, experiencing, and expressing. Listen to truly hear, not just to respond.

Second, repeat back and reflect what you hear the other person saying. In other words, show acknowledgement that what has been said was heard and understood before moving into saying what you need to. For example, “I hear that you are saying…” or “Thanks for sharing your feelings of being frustrated…”

Third, don’t validate something about yourself or someone else that you don’t really believe and don’t have the evidence for. Validation is not about agreement; it’s about taking some time to understand where someone is coming from. Look for commonalities and insight to validate a person’s experiences, as well as their suffering and difficulties.

Lastly, offer kind, acknowledging words to the person. Remember that a person’s emotions, thoughts, and behaviors have causes and are therefore understandable when we listen and look at the big picture.

Don’t forget to give yourself some acknowledgment at times and listen deeply to what your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are saying to you. When we move into a stance of validation, we can begin to build more caring, positive relationships, both inside and outside of ourselves.

Each one of us are valid and full of worth. We are all more than enough, if we could just see past our conditioned patterns. We are all just doing our best, even if our best changes from day-to-day (or even moment-to-moment)! Validation is a powerful tool to build relationships and uplift hearts. Let’s give ourselves and each other more love and care with validation as we each continue to evolve and grow.

Befriending Our Anxiety

Befriending Our Anxiety

By Lisa Templeton, Ph.D.

Our emotions have much to offer us in wisdom and direction; we only need to practice listening more deeply when they arise. Anxiety is an emotion that can be very uncomfortable inconvenient. Our initial instinct when anxiety comes up is to fight the tension and try to get rid of it. Many of us push away and/or judge anxiety when it shows up in our experience.

Shifting our perspective on anxiety can be very helpful. Can you work toward more connection with this experience? Why not welcome in the anxiety, listen to it, and observe it? What could happen if we befriended our anxiety? As Rumi writes of emotions in his poem, The Guest House, “Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house of its furniture - still, treat each guest honorably.”

Although we can feel as though certain emotions wipe us out and can be incredibly overwhelming at times. These difficult times will eventually abate and other, lighter, emotions move into the mix. Our entire life is a waxing and waning of emotions. We might as well befriend them, especially the ones we have been conditioned to judge so harshly and quickly.

It is quite possible that our anxiety might have important wisdom to communicate. All we need to do is to stop, look, and listen to what is going on within us – without judgment. With this present moment awareness, we are a bit more open and malleable to shift our own mind. As we shift our mind, our perception transforms to see a broadened truth. Here are 5 tips to aid you in shifting your perspective and working to befriend your anxiety:

1) Recognize that anxiety is not your enemy – there is nothing to fear with anxiety, it’s just uncomfortable. Anxiety cannot harm you or overtake you unless you allow it to. This lies in our perception and choices. Our anxiety may not seem like a friend, possibly because neither of you have ever been very friendly with each other. If you treat someone like your enemy, and push them away, you will create more separation and conflictual energy. Approach anxiety like a friend who wants to support you and offer help, but maybe doesn’t really know how just yet.

2) Use your imagination to personify your anxiety - try imagining your anxiety as a person. How are you relating? How is your anxiety relating to you? Assess this relationship from a neutral place. Perhaps you notice a thought like, “I don’t want this anxiety, get away, I shouldn’t feel this.” Consider how you might feel if someone spoke to you in this way? No one deserves to be pushed away or judged negatively. If you tell it to go away when it shows up, there is more conflictual energy and the whole exchange is even less comfortable. When you change how you relate with your anxiety, your anxiety can then shift how it is relating with you.

3) Be a good friend – consider the qualities of a good friend. Someone who is caring and compassionate. Someone who sees, hears, and acknowledges us while also working to uplift and offer us hope in times of struggle. A good friend will honor us and also set boundaries and be direct as needed to nurture both you and themselves. Consider what you look for in a friend and do your best to be that person in relationship with your anxiety. If you fall back into old ways of relating – mindfully slow down, apologize and offer care.

4) Teach your anxiety how you want to be treated – Consider what you might like to hear from a friend and how you would speak to them. Work to create that kind of dialogue in your own mind. Try saying something nice when you are feeling anxious or perhaps speak some truth around reasons why anxiety might be there to offer understanding and compassion. What might anxiety be communicating? What are you communicating back? How we talk to each other either creates or dissolves a friendship. How do you react internally to your anxiety when you notice this feeling? Is there compassion and understanding, or judgment and criticism? The more aware we are of our inner dialogue, the more we can listen and set boundaries on how we want and don’t want to be treated.

5) Spend time with your friend. We can often live only in our minds, thinking a lot about everything. Emotions live in our bodies, so if you want to visit with anxiety, you need to feel into where anxiety lives in your body. We must stop and feel in order to deeply listen. In this moment, take a nice deep breath and listen to locate where anxiety shows up in your physical body. For some, anxiety shows up in the stomach area; for others, it is in the heart or throat. It may even change where it lives each time you listen in. Perhaps you don’t notice it at all right now. Set an intention to notice more. No matter what you notice, make attempts to spend good quality time with anxiety, offering it deep breaths, compassion, understanding, and unconditional love.

Broadening Our Minds and Creating Unity with Dialectical Thinking

Broadening Our Minds and Creating Unity with Dialectical Thinking

By:  Lisa Templeton, Ph.D.

     Dialectical thinking is an understanding that the extreme of both sides, along with all that happens in between, have merit.  This form of thinking offers a “both/and” approach rather than an “either/or” take on a situation or a person.  When you take on a “both/and” perspective, you can stay aware of the truth behind each person’s life experience, relationships, traumas, mental/physical health, and cultural/community that influences beliefs and choices.  

     As humans, we don’t fit into boxes; we are way more complex than that.  We come in all shapes, sizes, and colors and we need to be able to see the middle areas amidst the extremes, the context of the whole.  Each person is likely both good and bad, not good or bad.  One person is not right or wrong; they can be both right and wrong.  Right in some ways and wrong in others, good in some ways and bad in others.  When we embrace these aspects of ourselves and everyone around us, we begin to expand and broaden our way of thinking and get out of the box of duality and polaristic thinking that limits our perception of each other.

     In my work and in my own experience, I often observe polarized ways of thinking such as, “I’m not good enough” or “I am a failure” or “I can’t do this” or even “I’m a terrible person for thinking this”, “If only everyone really knew me, they wouldn’t want me.”  If not focused on ourselves, we can focus on others and what they are doing wrong.  Thoughts such as “I hate republicans/democrats” or “He/she doesn’t care about me” or “All anti/pro vax people are selfish” or comparing ourselves to others with thoughts like, “How come that person has more than me?” or “I do everything around here” or “Why does this person think they are so great?”  These types of thoughts create more separation between each extreme and the perspective focuses on “either/or” instead of “both/and.” 

     It takes a lot more work to unbelieve something than it takes to initially come to believe it.   If we rush to a quick conclusion of “either/or” and don’t consider all the alternative perspectives of a situation, we can get caught up in our own bias.  We must learn to challenge our thoughts and our perspective with more logic, curiosity, and compassion.  Only then can we create more space for unity in the world.

  The place to begin is within.  Practice noticing the ways in which you are seeing things in an extreme way – from good/bad, constricted/free, right/wrong, right/left, beautiful/ugly, and success/failure.  Remember the context of what is going on around you and consider alternatives to your own initial assumptions.  Look for what you might be missing.  Is there another possible way to perceive the situation?   

     This article is a call to action for us all to create unity in the world with more dialectical thinking.  If we can notice these polarized thoughts with non-judgmental awareness, we can begin to expand the whole and create more dialectical perceptions within our minds. This way of thinking aids us to combat limited perceptions and continued divisions in the world.  When we make attempts to think in this manner, we can broaden our perspective of the world. 

     This is not an easy practice by any means, yet it is vital to find some sort of unity within ourselves and each other.  Take a “both/and” approach considering that there can be multiple truths to a situation depending on one’s perspective.  Start within by observing your own perspective and work to broaden it.  With more practice on dialectical thinking comes more compassion, love, balance, logic, truth, and unity in our minds and in our world.

How to Be Present On The Go

By Lisa Templeton, Ph.D.

We are not human doings; we are human beings. We all need to learn to train our brain how to slow down and practice being in the midst of doing. The pandemic offered lessons in this, but it may take time to process. As we are opening back up, down time is not given to us – we must make time for it and remember that we deserve it. When we intentionally and mindfully take steps to slow down, we start to experience ourselves, even in the midst of doing. We need to be present and in the moment, grateful for our surroundings, while staying kind and loving toward ourselves.

Eleanor Brownn, an American novelist, stated, “Rest and self-care are so important. When you take time to replenish your spirit, it allows you to serve others from the overflow. You cannot serve from an empty vessel.” When you take time for yourself, you can fill yourself up and it gives you more to give to others. We need to care for ourselves just as we care for our children. What a great model we can be to teach our children self-love, kindness, boundaries and balance.

Here are some suggestions to aid you in slowing down and increasing your self-care:

1) Make a plan to slow down and meditate each day – start with just 1-2 minutes and work up to 5 minutes. Focus in on one stimulus, either inside or outside of yourself (i.e., your breath, the clock ticking, birds singing, or your inner left top rib) and continue working to stay there – moving back to your object of focus when you get distracted. A focusing meditation is not about not being distracted, it’s about how you remind yourself to come back once you are distracted. Practice staying in the moment for as long as possible, even if it’s just a few seconds. Also, remember that there is no place for judgment here, even with loads of distractions while you meditate. You succeed when you try.

2) Let your loved ones know of your plan for self-care and ask that they respect that time you are taking for yourself.

3) Take deep breaths often throughout the day to help ground yourself and slow down, even for a brief couple of minutes. Take a quick sabbatical a few times a day to replenish yourself.

4) Identify what makes you happy and do what you love! Take 15-30 minutes to partake in something you really enjoy every day. It doesn’t take up that much time to rejuvenate ourselves. Also, surround yourself with what you think is beautiful. Try to notice beautiful things throughout the day. If you can’t get to those happy, beautiful things - imagine them. Take 5 minutes to go to a beautiful place in your head and breathe easy and slow. If you notice judgment while doing this – thoughts such as, “I shouldn’t be taking time for myself” or “my mind is moving around too much” – gently shift yourself back and remind yourself that you are replenishing yourself in order to give to others.

5) Practice presence – feel your body, your senses, and notice what it feels like. The moment you realize that you are not present is when you are back! Shift yourself back to the moment as often as you can. This will take practice – the more you practice, the easier this becomes. When you find you are not in the present moment, gently bring yourself back without any judgment.

6) Try being in the moment and breathing while doing general household tasks or other work – check in with yourself and be a friend to yourself. Notice what it feels like for you to unload the dishwasher, take a walk, or to play with your kids. They are so present and in the moment (especially when young) – draw from their experience and learn from them.

7) Be grateful everyday for the blessings in your life. Review the things you are grateful for daily with an open heart.

8) Communicate your needs to your spouse/family – if you need help, please ask for it. We are not meant to do everything on our own – ask for help in caring for yourself. Taking some down time is not selfish. Set a boundary when needed – this can be done in a loving way – just identify what you need and share it with others.

To be present with yourself is to promote healing and positive energy to all those around you. Give yourself the gift of presence – focus on you for a time and find how you can really enhance your life and your relationships. Be with whatever you notice and unveil a garden of beauty within yourself. The next time you catch yourself moving too fast - breathe and practice slowing down. We can only slow down with practice and patience. Be with your thoughts, your body, your mind, and your spirit.

Feel and experience your world and your senses more fully by opening up to the power of the present moment and the excitement of all life. We are free to choose in every moment. Fill yourself up – as only you can meet this need for yourself – no one else can. Be a friend to yourself and feel that self-love pour out to all those around you.

Healing From the Inside Out

Healing From the Inside Out

By Lisa Templeton, Ph.D.

Our thoughts have a major impact on ourselves and the world around us. What is occurring inside of ourselves is connected to what is happening outside of ourselves. Yet, it is so easy to focus on the outside without as much awareness for what we are experiencing on the inside.

Much scientific research now recognizes that our thoughts are electromagnetic waves that give off frequencies. Thoughts are energy waves. Most of the time, we will notice when someone we love is down on themselves or negative. We can feel it, right? When others are negative, it can affect us. It’s hard to be around that vibration. It’s not easy to be aware of our own choices in thought and understand how our own negativity may affect others, as well as ourselves.

What happens when someone you are close with is negative? How do you cope with it? Does it bring you closer to that person, or farther away? It takes a lot of compassion and love to stay close to someone expressing negative energy. With this understanding, we must work on cultivating positivity, peace and love in our minds. Being kind and compassionate to ourselves radiates an incredibly strong vibration that has a powerful impact on not only ourselves, but the world as a whole.

Sure we are all going to have negative thoughts at times – it’s not easy to regulate our moods and states of mind, not to mention coping with all the difficulties life throws at us. These negative moments provide us practice for identifying the vibration and choosing to be kind to ourselves. When we make a mistake, can we give ourselves love? If we get negative and feel totally irritated and shut off, can we change our mind and bring love into our hearts? Can we change the frequencies of our energy to help ourselves and others around us?

Many experts on the brain have found that we can do just that with practice. But how? We must remember to make attempts at balancing our negative, uncomfortable experiences with more positive ones. First of all, start by exploring your inner world. Ask yourself – how am I speaking to myself in my head? How often am I offering myself a kind, uplifting statement? What really is my relationship with myself? Is there conflict within? What is the nature of the conflict? Why might I give the benefit of the doubt to someone else, but not to myself? What is so different about me that I don’t deserve the benefit of the doubt?

We are all equal – each of us deserving of love, understanding, and compassion. We all need to be seen, heard, and acknowledged. The love and consideration you might give others for a mistake is love; yet, to yourself, you offer scolding and criticism? What kind of vibration does that resonate in your mind and body, as well as in the world?

If you find that you are speaking unkindly to yourself, don’t judge yourself for it. Noticing what exists within is the first step to change it. Once you have identified it, consider what you might say to someone you love in the same situation. Say that same thing to yourself, even if it feels awkward or strange. A positive vibration will feel odd if you haven’t been living in that frequency. Allow yourself time and practice to acclimate to inner kindness. If you notice thoughts countering that kindness, confront them with love and be clear that this way of talking is not healthy and you want it to change. This pattern won’t change overnight, but it will start to show an impact on you and your world.

Remember that we cannot change something that we are not aware of. Work on becoming aware of the thoughts that are unkind to yourself. Notice them without judgment and remind yourself that you are working to shift this dynamic. If you fall back into your old conditioning with negative thoughts about yourself, catch it and reframe it based on complete facts and truth. If you are not sure of something positive to say to yourself, don’t stress about it. If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all. You can simply say – “I’m not sure what to say right now, and I’m working on it.”

Consider some positive aspects of yourself. What do you like about you? Make a list and keep it nearby so you can consult it when you are struggling with saying something nice and finding the good in yourself. Healing is a process from the inside out.

Be well and stay mindful!