Finding Internal Freedom

By Lisa Templeton, Ph.D.

This pandemic has transformed our lives in various ways. Consequently, we all crave a sense of freedom, although our perceptions of freedom may vary. Merriam-Webster’s definition of freedom is the quality or state of being free relating to 1) The absence of necessity, coercion, or constraint in choice or action; and 2) Liberation from slavery or restraint or from the power of another.

This definition does not include our internal world and the ways we move into conflict with ourselves at times. These inner relations impact our perception, and subsequently, our mental health. Let’s work to create more internal freedom and address parts of ourselves that continue to limit our power.

At present, our moving freely about in the world may be limited, but our internal freedom is always readily available to us. We have a choice to perceive our world with more truth and harmony. William Faulkner wrote, “We must be free not because we claim freedom, but because we practice it.” In order to perceive our world from a broadened, more truthful perspective, we need to practice listening for times when we feel coerced or constrained from within ourselves.

Instead of judging what we notice, we take notice of what we find in the core beliefs about ourselves and our freedoms. A bridge of compassion is available to offer a connection between the two belief systems if we hold them and weigh them with conscious awareness. This will guide us to stop going down the old paths of conditioned patterns.

The liberty to sit comfortably within ourselves is the ultimate freedom. When we can make mistakes, feel emotional, uncomfortable, or unproductive without repercussions or judgment, we are practicing freedom. When we can truly talk to ourselves about what we need and meet those needs with kindness and understanding, we are practicing freedom. True autonomy lies within ourselves, a heart openness that draws on the strength of vulnerability, compassion, and unconditional love – from the inside out.

Have you ever experienced a relationship in your life when you feel fully accepted and loved without any expectations or judgments? Perhaps it is a person, or maybe a pet, as they radiate such unconditional love. Notice the feeling you have when you consider being fully accepted. You can do no wrong, the only expectation is to just do your best at all times – with an understanding that your best will continue to change moment-to-moment. When we perceive ourselves in this way, we are practicing freedom.

We can lock ourselves up in unconscious chains if we don’t stop and notice how it is we are handling and relating to ourselves. To have internal freedom means that you have a friend within who will always have your back; hence, you have the freedom to unapologetically be who you are, both internally and externally.

Keep practicing these steps! The first step is to notice how you relate with yourself without judgment. Second, set an intention to continue observing whatever comes up with recognition of the context and bigger picture to elicit compassion and understanding. Third, keep an eye on patterns that might be associated with negative feelings. Work on weeding the garden of your mind daily, staying mindful and vigilant, and practice listening with an objective mindset. This gets easier the more you practice! Fourth, start building a bridge within yourself. Consider seeds of compassion, love, and truth that you may sow to freely blossom and fully love yourself.

6 Things to Release in 2021

6 Things to Release in 2021

This year has been tough for many of us. It has changed our perception of everything around us, and also within us. I have found it easier this year to look more deeply into myself and assess that which is working and that which is not. It is important to consider aspects of ourselves that do not serve us and that we may be ready to release. It is also normal to find fear or resistance in letting go.

We might notice if something doesn’t serve us, but we don’t know how to let it go or perhaps fear that if we let it go, we won’t feel as protected. That is okay – take it one step at a time. Here are 6 aspects within which we can safely let go and still be protected. Given the crazy year of 2020, these things have been loosened and are now primed for release:

1) Self-doubt – when we question ourselves and doubt our actions or words, we undermine our own confidence. One of the reasons self-doubt exists is because we have been conditioned to second-guess ourselves and look outside of ourselves for truth. Another reason this exists is because someone in your life continued to doubt you, projecting their own self-doubt onto you. If you are doubting yourself, try this exercise. Look deeper and bring in clarity in your mind regarding the competent ways you have addressed your life. Sit with a memory in which you felt confident and clear with your own truth.

2) Self-Sabotage – I find that doubt and low worth of self can often lead to sabotaging of self. Perhaps something is going well and then before you know it, you have not chosen wisely and have messed up a good thing. One of the biggest catalysts to this issue is discomfort with “receiving” and not feeling as though one deserves it. You are worthy of all good things. If life is going well, do you believe you deserve it? Of course you do – everyone does! Imagine one of your best days and receive how wonderful it was without doubting or sabotaging the good. Allow the good to come and live inside your body. As you practice, you will get more and more comfortable.

3) Negative, critical self-talk – This one in particular requires a lot of awareness of thoughts. Those of you who have taken my Actively Letting It Be course recognize that we cannot let go of something if we are not aware that we have it. Once we identify that we are talking negatively to ourselves, we can then work to let it go. But first, we must be compassionate. It is so much easier to listen to our thoughts when we are not judging them. Once that is out of the way, we can listen to our thoughts with more curiosity and intention to transform them. If you catch a negative thought in your mind, great – you are aware of it! What do you want to say instead? Pluck the weed and plant the seed!

4) People-pleasing – We will never be able to please everyone, so we might as well please ourselves. There is a fine line between caring for others and curing them. Often when we are people-pleasing, we are trying to manage others’ feelings and doing our best not to make them feel bad. Since when are emotions so bad to experience? Can’t we all manage our emotions pretty well overall? It’s important to remember that if we are pleasing someone else at the cost of ourselves, we are chipping away at our spirit and not honoring the one true person who has the potential to always be there for you.

5) Fear of failure/success – It seems that the fear of either failure or success is inherently driven by the same issue – insecurity. The fear of failure holds us back from shining out who we are, or sometimes from even trying in the first place. The fear of success is there to remind us that if we do try and we succeed, we might not deserve it or be unable to handle the changes involved with it. Both revolve around insecurity and fear of being capable. Imagine a time when you have failed and how that continued to motivate you to try. Conversely, imagine a time when you succeeded and how you grew as a person and potentially inspired another to take a step forward.

6) Perfectionism – Not one of us is perfect but we often have a perception of others’ perfection. Social media outlets and text messaging offer brief moments into others’ lives, but we aren’t usually offered the ugly, more difficult moments. We all have these moments suggesting that whatever we are viewing as perfect in others’ lives is skewed. There is no perfect, there is only our best with the knowledge that our best changes from each moment to the next.

Take an Inventory of Your Coping Toolbox!

With these stressful times going on, it is imperative that we get clear and review all of our coping skills in order to care for ourselves so that we can do what we can in the world. With a bit of time to reflect during the holidays, take a look inside your coping toolbox.

What are you doing to show yourself love and to nurture yourself?

It's easy to find one tool that you like and get into the habit of using that all the time. Yet, if the only tool we use is a hammer, everything starts to look like a nail! Remember that we need to use all of our tools.

In times of stress and intense emotion, it can be difficult to remember all of our tools. This article is a reminder to take an inventory of all that you have and all that you can do for yourself.

Here are some behaviors that might be helpful to us to balance and nurture ourselves, especially when we are feeling emotionally overwhelmed:

1) Our breath is an incredibly important tool and always available to us. Try this particular breathing technique that can help reduce stimulation of our nervous system: inhale for 4-5 seconds, hold at the top of your breath for 3 seconds, and then slowly release with control for 5-6 seconds. Notice your body and how it feels; now try it once or twice more.

2) Physical movement is essential for our body, mind, and spirit. Try taking a walk or do some easy stretching; alternatively, clean or organize something while staying conscious of your movement. My favorite - turn on your favorite music and dance!

3) Do something creative. Creativity comes in many forms whether it be doing some kind of art like painting or coloring (there is a pix of a flower below you can download), cooking, interior or clothing design, knitting, gaming (chess anyone?), or taking on a home project. Consider how you can engage this part of your brain and use creativity for release.

4) Use your imagination. Einstein was quoted saying: "Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited, whereas imagination embraces the entire world, stimulating progress, giving birth to evolution." Take yourself to a beautiful place in your mind. There are several research studies finding that if we bring in positive past memories and/or create beautiful sceneries in our mind, it stimulates the brain in more positive ways.

5) Bring in the good - use imagination/memory to bring in positive emotions such as love, joy, gratitude, and peace. Try taking around 30-60 seconds while really feeling each emotion.

6) Try slowing down and meditating. If you are interested in some guided meditations, check out some of my free offerings:

7) Write down a list of everything you can do to uplift yourself and facilitate your self-care. When we feel emotional, it can be difficult to remember. If we have taken an inventory of our toolbox, we can be more prepared for difficult times.

Here is an example of my own toolbox list:

1) Take an epsom salt bath and lavendar

2) Clean out a drawer

3) Take a walk

4) Cuddle my dog

5) Cook and eat a healthy meal

6) Have a glass of wine (useful in moderation)

7) Color in my mandala coloring book

8) Call a friend

9) Write in my gratitude journal

10) Take a nap

11) Meditate

12) Stretch/Do Yoga

13) Write - (I am working on a new book, which calms me), express myself in a letter (it is good to express whatever emotion is coming up)

14) Have a snack

15) Have a cup of tea/coffee

16) Watch a funny show/stand up comedy

17) Get into a good story (whether reading or watching a show)

18) Play or listen to music - drum (on literally anything) or practice/begin learning an instrument

19) Moisturize - massage your hands and feet with your favorite cream

20) Do some art that expresses my inner world with symbols

21) Clean the kitchen mindfully

22) Step outside for a moment to take in the outdoors

There are so many things we can do for ourselves, this is just the beginning of an inventory of choices. Make a list for yourself on what works for you and practice varying all the behaviors on it. Be sure you are utilizing your resources!

Tips For Coping in a Divisive Climate

By: Lisa Templeton, Ph.D.

This upcoming election along with a series of pandemics, from COVID, to race, to the economy, has brought about more divisiveness than we have seen in our society in a long time. The division has created a great deal of anxiety and stress for many people. Many friends, families, and co-workers are struggling with different ideas, beliefs, and perspectives on what is happening, while also getting their information from very different sources. These differences are creating more and more strife. Here are a few tips for coping with the divisiveness:

1) Take a moment to step into another person’s shoes – whether it be a stranger, a friend, or a loved one. What are the circumstances of their life and why might they believe what they believe? We all base our beliefs from our upbringing, our experiences, trusted news sources, along with a desire to belong. Stay curious about the context of each person’s beliefs.

2) Consider that we all have similar experiences – each one of us cares about our family, wants to be loved, and longs to be a part of a community of like-minded people. Consider ways that each person is choosing their position based on these criteria. We have many more similarities as human beings than we do differences.

3) Don’t try to change someone’s mind – it can feel controlling and manipulative to be led in a different direction that you don’t currently believe. Do your best to accept another’s opposing beliefs and work to find opinions that you both agree on.

4) Calm your emotions and slow down – don’t react with anger, instead take a breath and work on developing a helicopter view to see all perspectives as important, even if you don’t agree. No one wants to be attacked and often defensiveness can be perceived as an attack.

5) Don’t take the differing beliefs personally – a person’s beliefs are about themselves and the context of their own beliefs, not about others. Stay respectful and curious to the ways in which we are divided and why.

6) Step away from blaming, shaming, judging, and spreading guilt to others who don’t share your opinion. Consider how that feels when someone does that to you. If you find yourself falling into that looping pattern, take a mindful step back and choose to instead get curious.

7) Set boundaries – if you continue to disagree and feel tension and conflict with someone you are close with, consider an agreement to not talk about issues that are the root of conflict. It’s okay to talk about other important aspects of life.

8) If you are going to engage, ask questions and listen – inquire about the information that is offered and open up to the bias that may be occurring on both sides of the isle. Stay curious with a critical mind, not with criticism of the person.

Be With Diverse Perspectives

Be With Diverse Perspectives

     There is much power in the perspective we assume in all situations.  The more mindful we are about how we are thinking and what we are believing about people, situations, etc., the more power we have to choose and view all perspectives offered with an objective mind and heart.  In the busy movement of our culture, we have lost sight of each other and the importance of understanding and caring for one another. 

     It is time that we learn and practice broadening our idea of each person’s experience and humbly try to wear the shoes of someone else.  It is so easy to cast judgment on another for their difference, because they act in ways with which we do not agree, or look different than ourselves.  We must re-train our brains to build more tolerance to that which we don’t understand and celebrate the beauty of diversity.  It is imperative that each of us stand up for each other to stop oppression and injustice.

     The breath is a great tool for practicing to be with diverse perspectives.  When I stop to take a deep breath, I am already taking time out of the busy-ness of the moment to consider my choices.  Racism, sexism, and any other –isms begin with our thoughts, which have been conditioned by our institutionalized society which is focused on greed and inequities.   We have been conditioned through our basic institutions such as the news media, incarceration statistics, and even our US history educations, to negatively associate color or gender with less intelligence, poor motivation, and/or violent behaviors.  These patterns are lies spread around our society like a virus that is unseen and rarely considered from a white privileged perspective.

     So let’s take a moment and consider a perspective that is diverse from our own.  First, stop and breathe.  Consider what your thoughts are saying about any difference currently happening around you, notice the emotions coming up in your body, and pay attention to where they sit in your body.  We cannot control anyone else but ourselves.  We must be the change that we want to see in the world.  To hold on to judgments and anger about someone’s difference will ultimately only harm ourselves.  Let yourself be with diverse perspectives no matter how foreign, irrational, or strange they may feel.  Everyone has a story and each story has perspective that we can only find when we stop, breathe, let go of our assumptions, and actually listen. 

Cocooning For Change: The 10 C's to building transformation

We are all in such different places during this crisis; some are sheltering at home working, some are out of work, and some are working everyday on the frontlines at our hospitals, food banks, grocery stores, and farms. Regardless of whether you are at home or out in the world, we are all in a place of going within and trying to understand this pandemic and the best and most logical ways to move forward. Here are 10 C’s we are building upon for transformation as a nation, as a world, and as a species:

1) Compassion – Many are realizing just how important empathy and understanding each other really is. We are learning to offer ourselves more love and support while giving it to others. This pandemic is helping us to understand all perspectives from which a person may be experiencing our situation.

2) Care – Many are caring for others intensely right now and giving the shirt off their backs to make sure families don’t go hungry and we are all cared for. With the threat of this virus and its potential impact on our bodies, this is an opportunity to take extra special good care of yourself and everyone around you. We are all the same and every single life matters.

3) Communication – This situation is forcing us to express ourselves in more authentic and open ways. Talk to people you trust who care and express yourself. Also, this is a difficult situation so consider how you are dialoguing with yourself. Ask yourself, “What do I need?” Share your needs with others and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

4) Creativity – We are in a unique situation where we can’t plan our future. Instead of planning, this is the time to dream, to inspire each other, and use our imaginations like never before. Einstein stated that "Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited, whereas imagination embraces the entire world, stimulating progress, giving birth to evolution."

5) Curiosity – Our awe for life and each moment begins to grow. We can begin to get more curious about ourselves and how we think, feel, and behave. The more curious we are, the less judgment we cast. One cannot be curious and judgmental at the same time.

6) Contemplation – This is the time for us to think more deeply about ourselves, our lives, and our relationships. Ask yourself if you have lived and loved as much as you possibly can. What more would you like to do with your life? When we go within, we find more clarity, truth, and understanding.

7) Courage – We are much more vulnerable given the crisis, both individually and socially. To be vulnerable is to be courageous and vice versa. Brene Brown stated that, “Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.

8) Confidence – In meeting the challenge of this experience, we learn what we are made of and we build strength and resiliency the likes of which we didn’t know we were capable. This in turn builds more self-trust and belief in self and society.

9) Community/Collaboration – There is oneness between us all that we have forgotten. When we remember, we find a world helping each other and collaborating together in unity instead of divisiveness. We learn that the world runs on kindness and love for each other.

10) Connection – How we connect with each other will evolve. Without as much physical touch, we begin to notice the subtle energetic and emotional ways we have been connecting the whole time, under the radar of our consciousness. With this awareness comes an evolution of understanding about the interconnection of everyone and everything in the universe.

Nine Mindful Self-Care Behaviors to Practice While in Isolation

Take time to care for yourselves and each other.

Here are a list of self-care behaviors to consider practicing while staying in isolation:

1) Practice moving around every day in some capacity. Take walks staying at least 6 feet from others. Set up a home gym and stream some home workouts and yoga programs.

2) Stay mindful and try to minimize your news and social media intake. Try to stay within no more than 30 minutes a day.

3) Take supplements that help with immunity including Vitamin C, D, Zinc, and Selenium.

4) Try to keep your sugar and carb intake to a minimum. It’s easy to want comfort food in a time like this. Balance this out with nutritious fruits and vegetables – try for 80% healthy.

5) Take time to be alone and slow down – practice some guided meditation or just focus on the moment and breathe for a couple of minutes. Don’t try to do anything, just be.

6) Practice deep breathing in every moment. Exhale for twice as long as you inhale for a few breaths. This helps to increase the parasympathetic nervous system that calms the system and helps us ground.

7) Do something creative – activate the creative part of your brain by trying a new form of art.

8) Listen to some music, look at some art, or read a book. There are thousands of books online. Also, many museums are now putting their exhibits online.

9) Remember your resiliency. We are very resourceful and there are many people working to help during this crisis. We will get through this.

Honoring Our Teachers

Honoring Our Teachers

By Lisa Templeton, Ph.D.

We are all here on this earth to teach and to learn from each other. Teachers can take the form of any age, ethnicity, race, gender, species, or situation. From the educators who spend time every day teaching our children to the mentors who guide us along the way on our emotional or spiritual path. Teachers can even take the form of illnesses and painful experiences. The fly buzzing in our face may be teaching us frustration tolerance and the pain in our body helps us learn more self-compassion. Honoring our teachers helps us shift our perspective and opens us to receive and grow.

Many people and experiences are teaching us without us even realizing it. If you are asking for more patience, the guy who just cut you off in traffic is teaching you. The woman who greets you with an open heart may be teaching you authenticity. If you are working on staying more mindful, your pain is reminding you to live in the present moment. A beautiful talk by a dear mentor may offer insight that you did not possess before.

Remember that if you set an intention, the universe will offer support. I recently asked for guidance around working through irritability. Once I set this intent, I found many triggers to frustration and a lot of annoyance coming into my life. Initially, I was discouraged. What is with all of these triggers? A person did not return a smile, a nasty cold made the holidays difficult, and a fly is buzzing around my face. Then I remembered that I asked for help. These triggers are my teachers. How can I receive help with irritability without experiencing the emotion of frustration to work with it differently? Once I was able to move into gratitude for these teachers, my perspective shifted and the lesson became much clearer. I then found more objectivity and compassion while feeling irritable remembering that it is always temporary. I also felt more grace in the experience, which provided a bit more ease to work through it.

Let us honor and express gratitude for our teachers, even if the lessons they are teaching us are painful. When a difficult person or situation arises, ask yourself, what can I learn from this? What gift can I receive for my own growth? This may provide a new perspective and/or a more objective viewpoint on the situation. Don’t forget how much we learn from joyful people and situations as well. Take in the good from these valuable and inspiring lessons. Stay open and thankful for your teachers and you will continue to learn.

Coping with Seasonal Stress and the Holiday Blues: 10 tips to surviving struggles during this festive time

The holidays can bring up a mixed bag of experiences and emotions for many of us. Many feel the joyfulness of giving during the season, excitement at gatherings of friends and families, as well as the beauty of the lights and festivities. At the same time, there is the stress of seeing the high credit card bill after buying presents, the sadness of missing loved ones who have passed, the anxiety of the crowds, and pressure of getting things accomplished by a deadline.

It’s natural that stress will occur when so many emotions are swirling around for all of us. Here is a list of tips to guide you in mindfully surviving the season:

1) Stay in the present moment – In a high stress time (or anytime for that matter), it is grounding and healthy to work on awareness of each moment and the sensations we feel. Sure we must plan ahead, but we must also bring ourselves back to each moment as it is happening and not allow our minds to wonder for long periods in the past or the future. Keep breathing and use your senses to ground you in each moment.

2) Don’t take things personally – Given most of us are feeling more stress during this time of year, it’s easy to feel more sensitive and thus assume that others’ indifferent or cold behavior is about us. When we take things personally, we create doubt about ourselves. Stay clear on what is yours and what is another person’s issue.

3) Live in gratitude – Take note of all of your blessings, from small ones to big ones. When we focus on abundance rather than lack, we generally feel better. Notice when things are going well and how smooth they went.

4) Take one step at a time – Try not to do too many things at once. Choose one task and complete it. Try not to think of the next task as you are completing another. Also try not to jump back and forth from one task to another too often. It’s complicating and overstimulating for our already overstimulated brains!

5) Watch for negative/ineffective thought patterns – As you are living in the present moment, take note of the way you are thinking about your circumstances. How are you imagining the family dinner? Are you building scenarios of what might happen given past events? Notice how you feel when you are thinking negatively about the future. If you start to feel intense emotion, take note of what you were just thinking about and challenge it to be more present-focused, realistic, uplifting, and positive. Try to speak to yourself as you would a friend.

6) Know your audience at gatherings – Be conscious and mindful of who is around when engaging in conversations, particularly around politics, religion, and past experiences. Stay mindful of not engaging in triggering topics that activate the room with conflict. If someone brings up a triggering comment, set your boundary by asking to talk about something else or simply excuse yourself and don’t engage.

7) Bring in the good – We are all so used to focusing on what could go wrong (which is a basic process of evolution and staying alive), we tend to forget about what is going right. Take time to notice as many moments of joy, beauty, love, and lightness as you can. Positive emotions are useful to offset stressful times. Appreciate what these experiences feel like in your body. When we bring in the good, it offsets the blues.

8) Take time for yourself – During the holidays, there is an increase in parties and gatherings that can lead to burn out. Most of us need time to ourselves to process and reflect on social events and stay in balance within. Give yourself a bit of time to relax daily. If you are at a holiday gathering and you are feeling overwhelmed, take a brief walk or find a quiet space for a few minutes and breathe deeply.

9) Take good care of yourself – With all of the yummy food and drink during the holiday season, it’s easy to take a “screw it” attitude with self-care. This is actually the most important time to create moderation and to work on yourself. Be mindful of your choices and try to create balance with exercise, relaxation, deep diaphragmatic breathing, and proper amount of sleep for your body. For those who struggle with addictions, work to increase your support and focus on taking it one day at a time.

10) Try not to resist; practice allowing – It’s easy to resist this time of year, especially if it has negative connotations for you with stress, family quarrels, grief, and/or overwhelm. People talk about “getting through the holidays” or state, “When the holidays are over, I’ll feel better.” Try to go with the flow and allow each moment, each day to pass with a practice of care for yourself, dropping the resistance of the holidays. They are going to come every single year, whether you like it or not, so why not welcome them?

Have questions? Contact Dr. Lisa at 303-514-4058 or email her at drlisatempleton@yahoo.com

3 Tips For Letting Go of Self-Criticism

Self-criticism is but a habitual behavior that we all learned from our past. Perhaps from a bully, an abusive or neglectful parent, a narcissistic friend or an inner perfectionist that led to frustrations with self. Many of us don't even realize the thoughts we are saying to and about ourselves in our own head.

Here are three tips to aid in letting go of self-criticisms and transforming your relationship with yourself:

1) Slow down! We can't even know what we are saying to ourselves unless we slow down and have the courage and strength to listen. Take time in the day to breath and listen to your thoughts. Think about what you are thinking about.

2) Don't judge yourself for any criticisms you notice. The last thing you want to do is to double up on judgment - we can't solve the problem with the same mindset that created it! Take a breath and praise yourself for noticing the thought, as mean or nasty as it might be. Bring up compassion and love for yourself.

3) Use a Courtroom Mind - try to take the self-critical thought into a courtroom where there is a lot of objectivity and the evidence for the thought is being laid out. What is the evidence for the self-critical thought? If you find no evidence, toss the thought away. It is not useful to you and is not true. If you find a thin amount of evidence, take a judge's approach saying, "I'm not sure if this thought is true - I will continue to explore and challenge this."

Originally posted 2/4/2016